A Beautiful Night

Oh my! What an incredible night this has been! Seriously, I know this is going to be a night that I'll remember forever.

Tonight, they announced our teams & fields. It was seriously one of the most exciting things I've ever experienced. It felt like this was the moment we'd all been waiting for.

The way the team announcement process works is this: an assistant calls out a group of names, that group of people goes back into Kris' office, and when you go in, you sit down and he tells you "You're officially Team ____" and then says some other things to us about the field, this missionary, etc. And then (this was the COOLEST part) you leave his office and walk out, and all the assistants are standing on either side cheering, and you walk into the AIM classroom and all the AIMers are cheering for you, and you go up on stage and announce where you're going, and then everyone goes crazy and cheers for you and it's seriously the most awesome feeling.

So tonight, I got to announce to all of my classmates that I, along with my friends Lacy, Melanie, and Jenna will be going to serve God in Miami, Florida starting in May. I could not be happier about this. Our team dynamic is so good, and I seriously think we're all going to work really well together. There's a little bit of each "personality type" in each of us. I can see how that's going to make us all work really well and get along really well.

But yeah, my teammates are beautiful girls with beautiful souls, and Miami is going to be a beautiful place filled with love and happiness. (Not that I'm under the impression that everything is going to be perfect by any means...I just have a feeling I'm really gonna fall in love with it there)

Miami here we comeeee!

Denver City

Today was our last day at our area churches. For the last four months, I've been going to Denver City with six other AIMers and three AIM assistants. We've been building relationships, hanging out with the youth group, singing at the nursing home and all kinds of other fun stuff. The experience I've gained from area church thus far is something that I definitely needed before I would have been able to go to the field.

I learned tons of valuable lessons during my area church time, but I think one of the most valuable ones is learning how to make myself at home in a new church. Leaving Bowling Green, I knew one of the biggest challenges was going to be being away from my church family. And it has been. But going to area church, and serving in DC and building relationships with the people there taught me the dos and don'ts of becoming a part of a new church, and I think that it helped me to realize what it's going to take of me to truly become a part of the church I'm at on the field.

I wanna take a minute to brag on the congregation in Denver City, because I was truly impressed by them during my time there. The first thing I noticed about this congregation is that everyone has a part in it. Like everyone having a role in the body, they seriously have that. Everyone pitches in to make Sundays a success.

This is truly a congregation of unified people. They are all so supportive of each other and they all really love each other. Watching the way they interact with each other reminds me that, when one part of the body is hurting, the rest of the body rushes to comfort it. That's something that I really loved about Denver City. They truly get behind their congregation members. They always pray very specifically for people, even if it's for something as small as a sprained ankle. It's amazing to be a part of a congregation that truly knows and cares about each other.

I really enjoyed the time that we spent with the youth, too. The kids in the youth group there are seriously all best friends. Most of them grew up going to DC and have known each other their whole lives. And they are all super close as a result. This reminded me, in a lot of ways, of Alvaton and the bond I had with the other people in AYG. This made me equal parts homesick and comforted, because in a lot of ways DC felt like home to me by the end of my time there.

Something I didn't really expect to love was going to the nursing home every Sunday afternoon and singing and visiting with their members. Nursing homes have always made me feel a little uncomfortable. Made me feel a little awkward, and incompetent at times. But going to this nursing home, for some reason, was different. I guess because I went often enough to actually get to know the people's names and, even though they didn't remember me most of the time, I sure remembered them. The majority of the people I spoke with there made it really obvious that they really enjoyed us being there, and you could tell they had hearts that loved people and even God...I just want to insert a little story about something I saw today at the nursing home...so we're sitting down about to sing, and a man who lives at the nursing home walked up to Skip (DC's preacher) and handed him, like, two dollar bills and told him that was for the collection. I think it was literally the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. I love people who have hearts that strive to be like Christ even when they're in situations where it's hard for them.

But yeah...to end, I've really loved my time in Denver City and was extremely sad to say goodbye to it. I'm 100% sure I'll be back to at least visit at some point.

Some pictures from our awkward Christmas party with the youth today:

 

 

Telephone

There was this game I used to play as a kid called Telephone. It usually entails people sitting in a circle, and then one person whispering a word or phrase to the person on one side of them, and then that person whispers what they heard to the person next to them, and so on. The phrase is never like the original one, and the bigger the circle is, the more ridiculously far from the truth it gets.

This game was always used to show us how repeating things can cause all kinds of misunderstandings and trouble, which I know today just means gossip. Gossip is such a prevalent problem for me. It's a daily struggle for me, to not gossip. Sometimes, I fail and say something that I shouldn't. And it's wrong, and it's something that I don't want to do anymore. But, like any habit, it is taking me time and lots of effort to break...but that's not the main thing I wanted to say about this, really.

I feel like, right now, I'm stuck inside a real life game of Telephone. Except we're not sitting around in a circle whispering to each other. The reason it feels like I've been dropped inside this game is simple: they started asking us questions. Questions about our opinions on different fields, different team combinations, etc. And people started talking. Immediately there were rumors flying about who was going where and who their team was and all this stuff. And the crazy part is, there's usually some truth to it. Or, there was originally. But by the time it makes it through the whole class...sometimes there isn't (apparently, not that I have inside information or anything) truth to it at all. Kris keeps telling us not to listen to rumors, and not to think about all the things people are saying to each other. And I'm trying not to. But, I'll be honest, when you hear people talking it's hard not to think that way. Especially because they usually have a line of people they heard it from and at one point there's someone who's in a position to know that they "heard this from"...

But I have to keep continually reminding myself that life is a game of Telephone, and that I should believe everything, at least in respects to team stuff, is a lie unless it comes from Kris, Pat, or an assistant. It's hard, but I think I can do it. :)

The Waiting Game

So, here we are. Over a month later, and it's still the same. We don't have any answers. We still don't know where we're going, or who we're going with. And, due to the fact that I told everyone I'd know by Christmas time, people are starting to ask questions more.

These questions frustrate me. Because they're just more constant reminders that I'm feeling out of control, or that I'm freaked out because I have no idea where I'll be spending the next 2 years of my life, or who I'll be spending it with. I wish so much that I could give everyone who's wondering the answers that they deserve. They're giving me money, prayers, and time, and I can't even tell them what they'll be paying for? I know it's silly to feel this way. The waiting was part of what I signed up for when I came to AIM. I knew this was going to happen, but I still somehow wasn't prepared for it.

I can't pinpoint an exact time when I stopped feeling solely excited and started to get...antsy. Peyton keeps telling me that it'll be here before I know it...and I want to believe her. I mean, she just went through all of this last year, so she remembers what it's like...but I just can't help but wonder, in my more desperate moments of impatience, if I'm ever going to find out. If all of the questions inside my head are ever going to be settled. I know that this is completely illogical, and that of course I'll know the answers to all these questions at some point, probably in the very near future.

I guess I'm just ready. I'm ready to not be waiting around for the inevitable. I'm ready for all the changes that are going to happen to just start happening already. I'm ready to finally be able to answer people's questions. I'm just ready to get this show on the road.

Like I said from the very beginning, this part of AIM has really been testing my patience, and my attitude. I've been having to work really hard to keep both of those in check.

We're in the home stretch, though, I know. Therefore, it's easier(ish) to keep my mind clear and focused on school rather than all this other stuff that's going on.

Anyway, this post has been all over the place, but I wanted to tell everyone how things were going and how ready I am to have the answers I've been waiting and praying for so hard.

So, if you'll keep praying with me, and waiting just a little bit longer, I'll finally have answers and I'll be able to tell everyone what they want to know! YAY!

Here we gooooo....

I LOVE WINTER...sometimes.

Oh my. Is it December already?! That's insane! Seriously. I can't believe it. It really feels like it was yesterday when I graduated high school. But it was, like, 6 months ago. WHAT?! I feel like time is seriously flying by and getting away from me. I just want it to slow down a little bit.

But, that's not what I wanted to blog about. I wanted to talk about the fact that it snowed today! Ahhh. I LOVE the snow. It just holds so many happy memories for me, as a kid.

Being pulled behind a big church van on a sled in an icy parking lot one night...sledding the one Christmas I can remember having snow on with my dad and brother, sledding with my brother and friend on a tube that you use for tubing in the lake. Playing in the snow every day for a week when I lived across the street from one of my best friends in middle school.

There are just so many things that I associate with snow, that don't even necessarily have to do with snow. Christmas, my mom's hot chocolate, and so many other things. For me, snow is the proof that it's the holiday season. It's the proof that Christmas is coming soon. Snow makes everything look fresh and new. It makes the world look brighter, even if there's no sunshine. I just really love the snow.

And, today it didn't really "snow" all that much, it was more ice. But it was white, and the ground is white so I'm making an executive decision...it counts. Today was a snow day.

Ok, I realize that I just rambled on about how awesome the snow is. But, today has just put me in a really good mood. Not only because of the snow but also because we got to come home early, and that meant that I got to take care of some things that I wanted to take care of without it being rushed or stressful. (Including but not limited to cleaning my room.)

Ok, that's all.

Thankful.

This morning, in ladies' chapel, we spent time singing and reading scripture that was focused on thankfulness, and showing/giving thanks to our Father. This was, of course, done because we're about to leave for Thanksgiving break, and November is generally a month full of thankfulness. But, I'll be honest...this month I haven't been feeling too cheery, and I've kind of let my thankfulness to God go. I know, that's a terrible attitude. But, I've been feeling so down lately that it's been hard for me. But, because of this morning and reflecting back on this month, I'm reminded again that God says when we go through hard times, we should still be thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to grow. I know this is true. Had I not gone through the hard things that I've gone through, I wouldn't even resemble the person I am today, much less be an AIMer. And the person I am, though I have my faults, I'm pretty proud of. I have the perseverance that gets talked about in the Bible as a result of difficult situations. Although I didn't enjoy any of these trials while they were happening, I can't imagine what a wimp I'd be without them. I wouldn't be able to handle conflict, use the word "no", control myself when I'm angry, I would let people walk all over me...but, the most important, and long lasting, result of the difficult things I've gone through is my relationship with God. Maybe that's why God let me endure all these things. I'm probably one of his most stubborn creatures, and I think it's taken all the things I've gone through in life to teach me one lesson: I need God. I can't do anything at all without Him.

If I had the chance to go back and choose whether or not to be tried, to have hard stuff thrown at me, to have the past I've had, I would still choose to go through them. Do I have regrets? Of course. But good, bad, and ugly, the experiences I've gone through have shaped and molded me into the person that I am today. When God made me, He knew who I'd become. He knew that I'd have the experiences that I've had, and the ones I haven't had yet. He knew that I'd eventually wind up leading a life trying to turn everything I've gone through into something I can use to glorify Him. I've tried so hard to let God fill the holes in my life, so that I can in turn help people see that God can fill the holes in theirs, too. Because I try so hard to let God fill my heart, I know it belongs to Him and only Him.

So, even though I'm going through times right now that are hard for me, I am blessed. Even though I feel like Satan is attacking me from all sides, and going right for the chinks in my armor, I am thankful for all the blessings God has given me. The life I live, the people I love, the people who love me, and for my God who is big enough to make all my problems go away with just one word.

This past weekend, the DC AIMers were counselors at a youth retreat at Mountain View. It was a cool experience to be a counselor, and teach a class and fun stuff like that. But the coolest part of it all was how perfectly tailored [insert name pun here] the lessons were for me, and my life right now. The theme of the weekend was "Only A Mountain". It was based around Matthew 17:20, which is the verse that talks about faith the size of a mustard seed that can move mountains. They talked about how our trials are mountains, and how God takes care of them, and will move them out of our way if we'll just keep our faith. And I think that is more reason to be thankful in hard times than any other reason.

So, this season of difficulty that I'm feeling right now? God's got that. He's taking care of it, as long as I'm letting Him. And the times of trial, of Satan tempting me and trying to tear me down? They're making me pure. They're giving me the endurance I need to fight back, and to keep moving forward in my relationship with God. They're making me a better person.

I will keep being thankful. I will keep praising God. He's blessing me through this, even though it's hard to see it, or it doesn't feel like it sometimes. There's never going to be a time when Satan takes it easy on me. But, I love God, and I want to do what he tells me to do. So, I'll keep on striving to be thankful and consider it a blessing when things aren't easy for me.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials. For we know that they help us develop endurance." Romans 5:3

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to test us when we are being tested." Hebrews 2:18

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way , consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow...God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-3,12

I'm gonna put the music video for the theme song of the Mt View retreat weekend right here, because I think it's a really neat song...

so, it's done...

So, tonight we filled out these lists saying where we'd like to go and who we'd like to go with. I'll be honest...I've been saying all along that I'm not worried about it, because God has my team and field already picked out. And that was true, to a certain point...

But honestly, deep down, I've been freaking out. I know, on a logical level that God already has this figured out and it doesn't matter what I want, but it's ok. Tonight was a relief for me, because I feel like I have officially relinquished any kind of control I had, and it's all in God's hands. It's a cool, but also scary feeling.

I know the time that lies between now and when we find out is going to really be a challenge for me, and it's going to stretch me and cause me to really "practice what I preach" and truly walk by faith.

Soooo, yeah. Short blog post, but I just wanted to write about this because it was such a big deal.

Also, I just wanted to add in this picture of me from Wal Mart the other night. I have a hurt foot, so walking has been really rough for me. So, I got a wheelchair from Wal Mart. Yes, I acted like I was a thug. Yes, I'm 18 years old and should be more mature. I know, OK? ;)

Ask Me Why I Love My Church...

I recently bought a t shirt that says "Ask Me Why I Love My Church" on it, with the words Alvaton Church of Christ printed underneath it. I'm so excited to get this shirt in the mail and to wear it, and hopefully someone will ask me, so that I can tell them all about the church family God has blessed me with, and the reasons that I love them all so dearly. So, since I've been all about making lists and talking about things I love on my blog, I think I'd like to try and do it differently this time…but hey, it may still turn out the same…we'll see.

Let me start off by saying that I'm so proud to call myself a part of the Alvaton family. Especially being far away form them, and seeing what they do from the outside, and looking at other churches. I'm so proud of the way they're constantly reaching out to the Alvaton community. I'm proud of the way they accept visitors, and the way they just love people.

I haven't had a life that's been super easy for me. I don't want to give a whole sob story, but I do struggle with depression and other things, and also circumstantial things that have happened that have been really hard on me. And I've struggled with feeling like neither of my parents loved me or were really there for me…and it caused me to end up replacing that position in my life. (Now, my relationships with both of them are much better, and I don't feel that way anymore…I'm not trying to embarrass them by saying all that, just trying to be honest.) There are so many people at Alvaton who I feel like have had an equal part in raising me that my parents did, even though some of them didn't even come into my life until I was older.

When my life was in shambles, or I felt like the world was falling down around me, it was scary. Nothing felt consistent, it didn't feel like I could really count on anything…but I look back and realize how tightly I was clinging to my family at Alvaton. Even when it didn't seem like it, because I was always angry, or didn't really want to talk to people, I was holding on with all my might. Alvaton is the place, and the people, who have always been consistenly there for me.

I'm grateful to have been blessed with a youth group full of people who became my best friends, and ultimately, the only friends I knew I could count on all throughout high school. I was blessed to be part of a group that never shied away from topics that would generally make you a little (or a lot) uncomfortable. I'm someone who doesn't find much of anything an awkward topic. Things just don't make me feel weird, or uncomfortable. And I never felt like, when we were at youth group stuff, people judged me for that, as I feel they do now sometimes. I guess going through Dateable with your youth minister makes everything seem less awkward by comparison. I love it, though! (Funny story about Dateable-- it's a book about dating, and so of course it's going to cover sexual sin…so from the beginning Ryan warned us that we were going to have a "sex talk" at some point. So, I had some friends in marching band with me that I'd been trying to work on, and get to come to church with me. And then finally, one Thursday night, I convinced them to come to TNT with me. Well, we get there, and Ryan announces that it's the night we're going to have our talk. I was really afraid that they were gonna think it was super uncomfortable and never come back again. But they didn't. They ended up loving it, and coming back to TNT with me every Thursday night. My youth minister is cool enough to not make people feel awkward about sex…)

I'm so thankful for the supporters I have at Alvaton. When I started trying to raise support, I was shocked by how generous people were. It was like, anything someone could do, they wanted to do it. People gave me money, they gave me TONS of stuff to sell in a yard sale, I was surprised by how much people just gave to me. And even when people can't support me through money, they still gave whatever they could to me. I received so much love from people, and people were praying for me all the time, because they keep telling me that they are and giving me encouragement. I appreciated it so much, the things that they did for me. It's humbling. Because, as hard as I try, it's hard not for me to think of myself as a "missionary" with a little tinge of pride. But to have so many people supporting me, praying for me, loving me…it makes me feel so humble, and gives me even more of a drive to succeed.

Over all, I’m so proud to be a member of the body of God loving Christians at Alvaton, and I don't think I'll ever stop being proud of them, or claiming them as my own. No matte where else I go in life.

I think that's what I'm most grateful for…knowing that I'll always have a place to go back to where I'll be welcome, no matter how far away I move, or whatever I end up deciding to go with my life  after AIM…they'll always accept me and love me just as much as they do now, and I'll always feel the same about them.

If you're from Alvaton, and you're reading this…I love you!

The Paducah Trip and Other Exciting Adventures

Guys...the AIMers just got back from our trip to Paducah! It was a crazy, hectic, stressful, exhausting trip. I had a blast! So, this trip had several different parts, so I think the most fun way to do it would be to break it up by days...at least, the most fun way for me.

Sooo...

Day One (Thursday #1)

The first day of our trip was a really long day, driving wise. We left home at 4am, and drove for what seemed like forever. (The plus side of this day was that I hadn't slept much the night before so I basically slept straight through it.) For dinner that night (I know, crazy long jump...but like I said, I was asleep most of the time.) We went to a place called Lambert's. And it was freaking awesome. That's the only way I know how to describe it. They gave us sooooo much food. I got the catfish, and it was probably the best catfish I've ever eaten. For real. Lambert's is famous for the fact that they deliver your rolls to your table by throwing them to you. Basically what happens is that a guy walks out with a cart full of rolls, and you hold your hands up and he throws them to you. Since I don't eat bread, I didn't actually catch a roll, but it was a lot of fun to watch everyone else try and catch their rolls.

After dinner, we headed to this church, where we were going to spend the night. We get there, and we're all getting ready to take showers and such. There was only one shower for the girls and one shower for the boys. Which was cool, because we don't like to complain... ;) But anyway, I was one of the first few to call dibs on a shower, simply because I really wanted to wash the day of travel off of me. So, I go to get in the shower, I walk in the room where the shower is, turn the shower on, walk out to throw something away, and when I try to get back in, I discover that the door is locked. So I go and get one of the AIM assistants, and he literally tries to take the door off its hinges. But the door won't budge. So we end up having to call the guy who let us into the church originally to bring the key to the bathroom door. Needless to say, by the time he drove all the way back across town to bring us the key, my shower was freezing cold and so was everyone who went after me...oops.

Day Two (Friday #1)

The second day of the trip was a lot of fun. We traveled in the morning, until about lunch. Around lunch time, we got to St Louis. We pulled up and they let us out at the arch, and told us what time to be back. A group of us decided that we didn't want fast food, so we went on an adventure to find the spaghetti factory! It was so fun to eat there, I hadn't been in a long time, and it's definitely one of my favorite restaurants. A little bit of a splurge, but it was so so worth it. When we got to the restaurant and sat down, we noticed that Kris, Pat, and the other assistants who were on the trip were at a table across the restaurant. Lacy and I immediately texted Kris and Pat and said "We see you!" to which Pat replied "We couldn't escape!!!" haha. We thought about several different things we could do that would be silly, but we ended up deciding to have one piece of mud pie with two forks delivered to Kris and Pat, from their secret admirers. Obviously they knew it was us, but it was still fun to do something like that.

After lunch we got back on the bus and finished the trip to Paducah. When we got to the Lone Oak Church of Christ, we ate dinner with them, and then found out who our host families were. Ashlie and I stayed with the nicest lady. Her name was Ruby, and she's a real sweetheart. I really enjoyed talking and laughing with her every night.

Day Three (Saturday)

So, day three...Saturday. Saturday morning, we got to the church, and Kris announced that we'd be spending the morning sightseeing in Paducah, and then also going to Metropolis, IL to look around there (hello, Superman...). We went down to the waterfront, and looked at all the murals that they have painted on their floodwalls. It was so neat to see the way that people have taken pieces of their town history and documented it in such a cool way. I really enjoyed that. Then, we went to Metropolis, which was really cool. There's this big statue of Superman, and all this other cool Superman stuff, and then a store with basically anything superhero you could imagine. Luckily, I left my wallet on the bus, so I couldn't really buy anything.

When we got back to the church from Metropolis, it was time to start setting up for the community fish fry that the church would be having that night. It was fun to do service work, and serve others. That's probably my favorite thing to do. When it came time for the fish fry to start, we just started serving people food. There were soooo many people, and so much fish. I don't think I've ever seen so much fish in my life, for real. It was fun to serve others, but it was soooo nice to sit down and eat as well. :)

Day Four (Sunday)

Sunday was a really fun day...we went to church in the morning, of course. We went to the high school class, which Pat taught. I really enjoyed his class, and talking about defining ourselves by the fact that we're children of God, and not letting our worldly views define us. In the actual church part of it, we went in and sat down. I sat with three of the friendliest ladies I've ever met. (Ok, I've gotta go off on a little bit of a tangent for a second. When I came to AIM and went to Denver City for the first time, it was super hard for me to find people to sit with, and it was difficult for me to feel comfortable. But I didn't feel that way at all when I sat down with these ladies...proof that I'm growing? I'd like to think so!) Kris was the one who gave the sermon this morning. He talked about AIM and missions in general. Then he called all of us to come up on stage, had us answer some questions, and then we sang Do Not Fear. People in the audience started crying, and Megan, a girl in our class who's from Lone Oak started crying, and it really reminded me of my last Sunday at Alvaton, when they called me up front and prayed for me and all this other stuff. So then I started crying, which made me feel silly, so I tried to hide it...yeah.

Lunch was a potluck...since I came to AIM potlucks are my best friends. For real, that's the only way I ever eat anything that's good for me...so lunch was obviously good.

Sunday afternoon we all broke off into groups and spent time with our host families. It was fun to just hang out with Ruby and Ashlie. We went and walked around downtown, and then went to Coldstone and got ice cream. Yum!

Sunday evening we went and worshipped in Murray, Kentucky at the Glendale Rd Church of Christ. It was their singing night, and the song leader is a man who used to lead singing at Lone Oak. He just recently found out that he has a very aggressive form of ALS, and he's not really expected to live much longer. So, for a lot of people, this was their last time to really worship with him (until Heaven!) so it was kind of emotional for them. I know I'm getting off topic, but if you could keep him in your prayers (I feel bad, I totally forgot his name!) that would be great! For dinner we had Culvers. It was the first time I had Culvers in over two months, so I was pretty happy! :)

Day Five (Monday)

Monday wasn't a good day for me. Being in Kentucky was making me really homesick, and I was missing my mom, and it was leading me to be in a really bad mood, and be really sensitive. I basically just tried (unsuccessfully) not to cry all day. I guess I was feeling isolated, and it wasn't anyone's fault, I was just sensitive and things were hurting my feelings and stuff like that...nbd.

But anyway, Monday morning we had class. We had two different classes. One was taught by a man named Richard, and he talked to us about life, and his experiences, some that were pretty heartbreaking, and he also told us about making brooms. It was cool to hear his story, because he told us about his daughter, and how she told him she was gonna do this "mission thing" in Lubbock, TX, but that she never told him what it was called or anything like that. Well, then his daughter was killed (I think in a car crash?) and he never thought of that conversation again until he heard we were coming. The AIM world is a small place...

Then, we heard a lesson from a man named Mike who's basically a genius (if you've heard him speak before, you know what I'm talking about). He talked to us about this Bible study method that we can use with people when we study with them on the field. I think that it's gonna be really helpful information to have.

In the afternoon on Monday we all split into different groups and did different service projects. Because I have a hurt foot and really am not supposed to move around a whole lot, I did some data entries for the church. I made a database of all the people who had come to the fish fry and filled out one of the cards they gave out. It was cool to see all the little town names around the Paducah area. Word really spread.

Monday night we worked with the church's benevolence program. They prepared a dinner, and we were split into groups and assigned different jobs. Some people got to serve dinner, some got to take prayer requests and pray with people, and some of us were told to basically just hang out in the Lobby of the church and talk to people. I'm gonna go off on a bit of a tangent here (surprise, right?) and talk about this congregation and how impressed I was by them. I don't think I've ever been to a church that was more dedicated to helping people, or helping each other. This church is really a body full of servants. It was so impressive to see how they just want to serve others, and glorify God with everything they have. The AIMers went to serve, and we did serve, but I felt as if I was being served by the people there more than I was serving them, even. They're all so open and friendly, and unified. It was really just way cool.

Day Six (Tuesday)

Tuesday morning we had class with Mike again. Yay! Then, after lunch (which was BBQ nachos, by the way) everyone got ready to travel to Western Kentucky Bible Camp, but I didn't go with them, because my mommy came and got me and took me home with her! It was so nice to spend 2.5 hours with my mom just doing nothing but talking and catching up. I really had missed her.

I had planned to go home, and then go to Stakz with the Heltons. I hadn't told anyone but my mom, dad, and them that I was coming into town a day before I had originally planned, because I figured it would be nice to just spend time with them, or surprise people if I got the chance. Well, I ended up getting into town early enough to get my mom to drop me by marching band. It was so much fun to surprise Mitch. He look so excited, and it made me happy.

Then, I got to Stakz about 20 minutes early, which was cool. I was planning on just sitting and waiting...you know, spending some alone time. But, as I'm walking in, I looked up and saw Bailey standing at the counter. She turned around and saw me and screamed soooo loud, then ran across the room and gave me a hug. It cracked me up how quiet everyone got. Then, I had fro yo with Ryan and Melinda, we just caught up and stuff. :)

So I had some free time and decided that it would be fun to go surprise Abby. (In case no one could tell I really love surprising people...) And it was. She was in the middle of writing a college essay, but she took some time out of it to talk to me. It was well timed, because it gave me a chance to tell her that she should consider AIM rather than college... ;)

Day Seven (Wednesday)

Wednesday morning my mom and I got up and went shopping. We bought some clothes and shoes for me for the winter. Then we went out for Chinese food, which was awesome. So so good. I'd missed it!

Wednesday night was so much fun, because it was when all the AIMers came to Alvaton. I got to church early, and hung out with Melinda and Elsie, and all the youth group kids as they got there. So that was nice. Then, when all the AIMers got there, it was fun to watch them start building relationships with church members. I looooooved getting to see all my friends and family. It really gave me a reminder of who I am, and where I've come from... (I'm gonna write a post all about Alvaton and how much the people there mean to me really soon!)

After church the three girls who stayed with me and I went to GADS and hung out with my dad for awhile, and that was fun. Then we went back to my mom's house and played a board game, which was also fun! I'd really missed playing games with my mom, since that was always kind of one of our things. Game nights are seriously deals at the Hockman household, y'all.

Day Eight (Thursday #2)

Thursday was just another long travel day. We traveled all the way from Bowling Green to East Texas. We stayed in a barn on this familie's farm. Some of the girls slept in an RV while the rest of us slept in their attic. It was fun to sleep there and get to know that family.

Day Nine (Friday #2)

Friday wasn't really that eventful at all. We got up in the morning, got on the bus and drove all the way home. Then, we were back and I was way more happy than I would have expected to be. I think I'm starting to love Lubbock...uh oh.

Other adventures...

We started new classes, and I think I'm gonna really like this term. Also, we've been having more field presentations lately, and I think it's really awesome and I'm enjoying it. So far, my favorite has been the presentation for Sucre, Bolivia...but I'm still not sure yet. It doesn't matter, though! God is gonna send me where He wants.

Also....I LED MY VERY FIRST SMALL GROUP LAST NIGHT. It was totally nerve wracking, and I thought I was gonna die for sure. But I didn't, so that's exciting. I think it'll be much easier next time. :)

Now, I have a trip to pack for, because tomorrow we leave for OCU, we're going to the World Mission Workshop. I'm pretty excited, but I'm also sort of dreading it, since I'm so exhausted.

Alright, I gotta jet. So much to do!

I love...

So, the other day, I wrote about how homesick I've been feeling. And it's true, I miss my Kentucky home, and all my family there. But, at the same time, this is my new home. It's kind of interesting, having two homes. I miss my friends and family in Kentucky. But, at the same time, this new place and my friends and family here hold my heart, too. So, I want to take some time to share about my new friends and family here and the things that I actually love about Lubbock.

I love how blue the sky is. I love the way, when we're driving to Denver City on Sundays, I can look out the car window and see so far in either direction. The sky is  everywhere I look. I think it's so cool that, initially thought everything here was super ugly, but now I'm starting to see the beauty.

I've loved my classes. I really loved learning from the intelligent, God loving me that are my teachers. It's crazy to me that they're not really just teachers. I know that they all genuinely care about me, and want to see me succeed. It's a nice feeling.

I love that my entire belief system was basically torn down and is now being rebuilt. It's not like I'm not relearning some things that I already knew before, I am. But one some things I'm gaining brand new knowledge and on others my perspective is totally being changed. I'm thinking and studying the Bible in ways that I never have before.

I love love love how real Jesus has become to me. I love God, and I've always been really grateful for Jesus dying for me, but I'd never really thought of Jesus as a person. I knew, on an intellectual level, that at one point he was a man who walked on the Earth. But I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus was a living, breathing man, and how he had feelings, thoughts, and temptations. I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus got his feelings hurt sometimes. The same way that it hurts me when someone says something to me that's kind of mean, Jesus wasn't immune to that. It wasn't like Jesus was made of stone, he got his feelings hurt, and felt bad when people treated him poorly. Because I see Jesus in this new light, it's been easier for me to develop a more serious relationship with him, and God as well.

I love that I've made so many new friends. High school ended pretty crappy socially, for me, at least. I wholeheartedly believe that part of the reason God put me in AIM was to help me remember what it meant to have healthy friendships. It's making me so much happier. I feel better about myself than I ever have before, and it feels soooo good.

I love that, for once in my life, all of my friends are trying to build me up rather than tear me down. I can't think of a single relationship I've built here in which I think someone doesn't have my best interest somewhere in their heart, and I feel the same about all of them. Not that any of us are perfect, we're not. But we all have a common love for God, and for each other.

I love that I know these people love me enough to drop anything and everything and pray for me, at any time, if that's what I need. Like I said the other day, I've been going through some rough stuff the last few days, and it's been pretty hard on me. The other night, I was supposed to lead small group. I was really nervous, and I felt really unprepared, and it kind of amplified all of the other stuff. Long story short, I kind of ended up having a breakdown. I was pretty much crying uncontrollably, and couldn't really pull myself together. They all asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and when I started to tell them about everything that was going on, Amy Jo, my small group assistant, basically said that we'd push my small group lesson back a week and pray for me and the stuff I was upset about. So we did. They all prayed for me, and then read Bible verses to me about comfort and how much God cares. It felt so good to know that they all love and care about me enough to drop their plans and be there for me when I needed them.

I love that there are people here who are willing to lovingly call me out when I'm doing something wrong. That there are people who are willing to just come up to me and ask me how I'm doing in a certain area, and hold me accountable. I love that I know they don't see me differently because of things that I have struggled with in the past and struggle with now. I know that the things they say or do are out of love, and I love that they trust me with theirs just as I do with mine.

I love that there's a sense of unknown and adventure that taints everything I do. There's so much here that's so out in the open and up in the air. I know God is working in all of this, and is taking care of the rest of my AIM time, and the rest of my life. He's going to make my life so crazy awesome when the time is right. There's something about so fully dedicating my life to God that has made it so exciting. I don't usually like to not know what the next step is, but God is teaching me how to be patient, walk by faith, and find excitement in each step of the journey. I've never been so wholly open to God's will before, and because of that, He's making everything come together for me.

I love that it's not easy. I know it's weird to love being challenged, and I don't really love it when it's happening, but I love how much AIM is stretching me. That I'm being forced to grow. I'm glad that it's hard to live with people that, two months ago, were total strangers. It's making me have a more mature perspective on situations, because if it didn't then I would constantly be living in conflict with people.

I love that it's forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. That's one of the things that I love about area church. There's something about going into a church, meeting people and building relationships, serving them, and knowing that you're making a difference that's just so cool to me! I've been really blessed by the way this is causing me to be a more outgoing.

I love that, as I'm growing and learning more about myself, I'm also starting to learn what my gifts are. As we're starting to think about where we'd like to go for our field time, and we're watching all these field presentations, I'm having to think and pray about what kind of ministries I'd like to be involved in, and it's forcing me to think about what I'm good at. As a result, it's opening my eyes to what the gifts God has blessed me with might be.

Sometimes, I even love that I'm homesick. For real, I love that I get the chance to miss all the things and people that I'd taken for granted all my life. I never fully appreciated the support system that I had back home, and I love that I get the chance to miss them and wish that I had them around more often. I know that it's going to make the time we share and do get together all the more special and sacred to me.

All in all, life here isn't perfect. But, I love that, too. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Life is flawed, and broken, and messed up. I don't think that AIM would be challenging me and causing me to grow in the way that it is if it was perfect all the time.

What I love most of all, though, is that I know without a doubt that God is blessing this journey. I know that God has always been blessing me, and would have continued to bless me even if I'd chosen college or something else over AIM. But there's something about the ways He's so obviously blessing me during this time that makes me so sure I've made the decision He wanted me to make. That I'm right where He wants me to be. I know that I'm going to continue to be tested and tried, but I believe that God, and my new family here, are going to continue to support me through whatever those may be, whenever they arise.

Now I want to share a few verses (or parts of verses) that have been really been on my heart and mind since I've been here...

"God has made everything beautiful in the right time. He has planted eternity in the human heart. But even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

"The secret things belong to The Lord." Deuteronomy 29:29

"I may roll the dice, but The Lord determines where they fall." Proverbs 16:33

"I must teach the Good News in the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent." Luke 4:43

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for everything He has done." Philippians 4:6

"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away from me my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness." Psalm 30:11

Kentucky

So, I’ve been going through some really tough stuff the last few days. And it's causing me to really miss home, and miss my friends and family there. I miss things that I never thought I would miss. Or, wouldn’t have expected to miss this much.

I miss marching band. I knew I would miss marching band, I did. But every Saturday when I see people post about their competition and how good they did or didn’t do, I find myself really missing it. I really miss the performance aspect of it. There’s something about getting in front of a crowd and playing something that you’ve worked really hard on, and getting to hear them cheer for you. It’s an adrenaline rush, for sure. I miss the way I felt whenever the crowd cheered when we did something cool. I miss the marimba that I played, and I don’t even care if that sounds weird. I miss the bus rides, when we would all hang out and just spend time together talking, laughing, and being silly. I miss the prayer that Mr. Morrison would say before we went out and performed. Most of all, though, I miss playing music on such a regular basis. I miss the learning process, and how you’re never good enough to just stop working on a particular part of the music. I even miss the frustrations that came with learning music, because the reward when I finally figured out a part was so great. I miss my marching band family a lot.

I miss Mitch and Kaitlin…I miss all of our silly times. I miss doing stupid things, and them laughing at me for it. I knew they were never really laughing at me out of meanness, but because they thought I was being funny. I miss Mitch’s peeled banana colored hair, and how soft it is. I miss hugging Kaitlin, because she couldn’t stand it. I miss having Mrs. Laughter and Mr. Moore with Kaitlin. I miss lunch time and how much we all laughed. I miss whenever Kaitlin would make me laugh so hard that my legs would give out, because she’s just that funny. I miss free days in band, just sitting with the two of them and being silly. I miss them so much it makes me wanna cry sometimes. It’s those times that I’m grateful for our group messages, and being able to talk to both of them at the same time.

I miss GADS. The donuts in Lubbock aren’t even close to matching up, even though there’s a Krispy Kreme here. GADS > all other donuts in the world. I really miss “Donuts after Dark” with Taylor…and everyone else. GADS is definitely the best in the middle of the night.

I miss trees. Especially right now, when the leaves are starting to change. I miss being able to look at all of them as they changed and marveling at God’s complexity. I miss green in general. Lubbock doesn’t have very much of that. And, yes, there is a certain beauty of it all, because there is so much sky, and the vastness is incredible. But, I miss my KY and how green everything is.

Ok, confession time…I sometimes miss how humid Kentucky can be. Texas is so dry, which isn’t always a bad thing, but I’m seriously thirsty all the time. Also, I’m quickly developing a chap stick addiction like nobody’s business. My lips, skin, mouth, scalp, hands and feet are all so so so dry right now. I constantly feel like I need lotion. Ok, that’s all I have to say about missing humidity.

I miss Alvaton. I miss listening to Richard Perry speak on Wednesdays. I miss his lessons, and how he always tells a story and then connects it to something spiritual. He’s so relatable. I miss Randy Well’s preaching and how I always learn so much when I listen to him. I miss Ryan and Melinda. SOOO much. I always knew they were two of the biggest influences and supporters in my life, but now more than ever I realize how much they’ve meant to me over the last four years. I miss Elsie. If I talk more about that I’ll cry or something. But I do miss that girl. So much. I miss Abby, and our Team Cray good times, our Kroger runs and drunk guys giving us advice on which socks to buy. All I have to say is: Talaypot FOREVER. I miss Angel Ann, and how she was such a good listener, and how talking things out with her could always make me feel better. I miss Sydney, and I miss sitting by her every Wednesday night. Her smile always brightens my day. I miss Justin, Arkadiy, Ruslan, Andrew and Ethan and the languages and different words they all made up. I miss Taylor and Taylor (or Morgan) and how we never knew who was getting talked to. I miss so much about church, and youth group, and everything else, that I could do a whole blog post on that by itself. (Hey, I just wanna throw in here that if you read this, and you wanna pray for my youth group and all the people in it that would be awesome and really helpful!)

I miss my dad. The distance between Texas and Kentucky has made us closer, so I’m anxious to see him in person and hang out.

I miss my little brother. I  miss how much I would get on his nerves by trying to talk to him when he was playing video games, but then as soon as I started watching something on Netflix or doing something else, he wanted to talk. That kid is crazy. I miss being silly with him, and hanging out. Going to Wal Mart, or just going for a drive. I just miss my little brother, and it’s weird that he’s not so little anymore.

I miss my momma. A lot. Notice how that’s bold, underlined, and italicized? That’s because my momma is one of my best friends in the whole world, and I miss being around her all the time. I miss running errands with her. That was always our time together, since Gabe never wanted to go. It wasn’t like we ever did anything special during those times, but there was just something really enjoyable about going out and about with my momma, getting to just talk and relax. I’ve especially missed her since all of the fall tv shows have come out. I miss spending weeknights watching Dancing With The Stars, and The X Factor with her. I miss talking about who we liked and didn’t like, criticizing and complementing how each performance was. I mostly just miss talking to her. Sitting down and having a conversation with her about what was going on in life, my past, her past, the future. Everything.

I guess homesickness is setting in, and it’s been hard for me to deal with. I’m just glad that we’ll be in Kentucky in a couple weeks, and I’ll get to see my mom! Yay! I love Kentucky, and it’s my home. The place of my childhood, and, for now, the place that holds my heart. I love it, I love its people. I’m gonna cry if I write more. But I just wanted to share some of my homesickness, and talk about how much I miss everything.

Memories

Today, in our girl’s public speaking class, which we lovingly call Women’s Rebellion, I had to give a speech. About myself. I talked about something that I hadn’t really thought of in a long time before I sat down to write the speech. I really liked remembering it, so I think I’ll blog about it. Here we goooo…

"So, as most of you know, my name is Taylor. And writing this speech was really hard for me. I don’t feel like I’m very good with words, at least not writing them, and I don’t really like to get up and talk about myself. I knew that I could get up, and tell you that I was born on March 22, 1995…that my parents are Bryan and Aimee Hockman, and that my little brother’s name is Gabe.

These are all true, and very important facts about me. But I’d rather talk about a memory that’s been weighing on my heart and mind the last couple of days. It’s a lesson that I learned a few years ago that means a lot to me, and I’d like to share it, so I’ll start with the back story…

When I was in 5^th grade, I went to a Barlow Girl concert. I was completely awestruck by how cool I thought they were. I was especially enthralled by the drummer. I decided then and there that someday, I would be a drummer. The only problem with that was that, in Bowling Green, you start band in the 6^th grade. And I went to a private elementary school that was too small to have a band.

I wasn’t ready to let go of my dream of becoming a drummer, though, so when middle school came around, I asked to be put in band. One the first day of school, when I came into band class, my band director told me I was going to be playing the bells. I hated it. A lot. I had to watch all the other people in my section get to play the drums, while I was stuck on this thing I didn’t want to play. So I basically refused to learn or even try to play it.

Over time, band became just a class that I had to go to, and it was my least favorite part of my day.

I continued to do band all through middle school, fully intending to quit when I got to high school. But, for whatever reason, when the day of marching band sign ups came, I found myself checking the little “Yes” box.

When I showed up for the first day of band camp, I found out that I was in something called front ensemble and, horror of horrors, I would be playing the bells. Needless to say, I was bitter, and starting to doubt that my dream of ever becoming a drummer would ever come true. And, since I’d basically refused to play or even try to learn in middle school, I was terrible. But, over time, as I learned more, I began to fall in love with melodic percussion.

When sophomore year rolled around, I got put on bells again. But, this time I wasn’t so upset about it. But, I still wasn’t very good. When it came time for indoor drumline, I was the only one from my high school’s percussion section that signed up to do front ensemble. Eventually, after the process of try outs was over, I was told I’d be playing marimba. I don’t really know how to compare marimba and bells, but I’ll tell you this: it was hard, and I thought I was in way over my head.

I remember going home after practice mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I was trying so hard that it was draining me. I remember crying to my mom about how bad my hands hurt, and how overwhelmed I felt by all of it. I remember so clearly the day she sat me down and said “Listen to me. You can do it. You just have to take it one note at a time.” At the time, I thought it was a flippant suggestion, so I just brushed it off. But I never told her how many times her words came back to me. Not only over the course of that season, but the rest of my life as well.

I eventually learned every single note of that show, and I tried my best to play it well. That season, and all the music seasons that followed, taught me something about myself that I’ve tried to remember whenever my life has been difficult, or I’ve gone through trying times.

What I learned was this: I don’t like to give up. I’m a fighter. When I’m faced with a challenge, or even when I just feel like someone doesn’t believe in me, I’m immediately obsessed with proving to myself, and everyone else, that I can do whatever it is. That I can conquer whatever is set before me.

That revelation has been incredibly helpful over the last 3 years, through the trials of growing up, moving out, leaving all my friends and family, and coming to AIM. It’s super comforting, knowing that I can overcome anything that’s hard for me, as long as I take it one step—one note—at a time."

God Is Still Good.

God is always telling me things. Even when I'm not listening, or I don't want to hear what He's saying, He's still saying things. Today, He said something to me through a song...

This song originally caught my attention because of it's title. Being "uncomfortable" and living outside of my comfort zone was a big part of my decision in coming to AIM. I've lived a relatively comfortable life, and I thought maybe it was about time to experience some discomfort. Anyway, the songs title caught my attention, then I listened to the words. This song isn't all that much about what I thought it would be about, but several of the lyrics caught my attention, and I kinda would like to talk about why...

I'm gonna love like you've never seen. OH MY GOODNESS. God shows me sooo much love. Like, every day. And it literally blows my mind how much He loves me. I know that my human mind can't comprehend it all, but what I do understand...whoa. It's crazy to me that I don't just know it (although just the knowledge would be incredible)...I can see it. God shows me, and has especially opened my eyes lately, to all the blessings that he's given me, and how they've all been because He loves me. My generous supporters, my family and friends back home, my new family here? All blessings from God because He loves me and I'm His daughter.

You are gonna live like you used to dream. This is your new song. Sometimes, my life here feels like a dream. I know that's cheesy, but I don't really care. Being in AIM and all that comes with that is something that I dreamed about, hoped for, and prayed about for a long time. Finally being here seriously feels surreal sometimes, even 6 weeks in. God has blessed me with a life that I dreamed about, and it's just so awesome to me.

You don't have to be afraid. Even if you make mistakes, you know that I'll remain. I'm a messed up person. We all are. I've got problems that I can't fix on my own. I have to have God's help, and letting Him help me every day is a struggle. But even when I slip up...when I don't let Him help me, when I try to do things on my own. God is always there. He's waiting to catch me so I don't fall face first onto the ground. He's constantly there, even when I've screwed things up so bad I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have to be afraid of God leaving me, because He'll forever be with me.

If you seek you'll find me every time. This is something that always has been, and still is, hard for me to grasp. Seeking God doesn't really seem to be a problem. I pray, and I try to do it as consistently as I can. But believing that I'll find him every time? That's not something I've ever really believed. For most of my life, when I've prayed, I've thought I was praying to a God who was listening, yes, but I couldn't ever pinpoint how He was there. How He had His hands in situations. But, since I've been here, I feel like God has opened my eyes, and I can so much more clearly see Him in certain situations.

This last little lyric especially reminds me of this last week I've had. Of all my weeks at AIM, this one has without a doubt been the hardest. I had my first little bit of roommate drama, homesickness, struggling with my own battles with my mental health and anxiety, and trying to take good care of myself. All while trying to stay on top of my schoolwork. And it's been hard. Incredibly so. In my weakest moments, I've even gone so far as to wonder why in the world I'm putting myself through all of this stress and heartache for "some program"...then I remember that Satan tries to target those who's faith is being tested. So, I decided that I would just start seeking God when I get stressed, or feel overwhelmed and Satan starts trying to eat at me. It's amazing to me that, when I feel like there's nothing but negativity, simply asking God to show me what He's up to in a certain situation can basically rock my world.

Because of that one question, being uttered time and time again, especially this last week, God has shown me through several negative situations, and has helped make them into positive outcomes. Yay! Seeking God when things are hard isn't easy. I tend to want to run ahead and take care of things myself. But God has a plan, and He's got perfect timing. Those are both things I don't usually have.

Just remembering that I can't add anything by worrying, and I seeking God with my whole heart usually gets me the answer.

Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good... (My mantra)

So it's been awhile...

Oh my goodness. It has been sooo long since I blogged! Well, it hasn't really been that long, but it feels like it's been about a year. Time moves fast and slow here all at once, which leaves me equally surprised and relieved every time Friday comes. But I wouldn't trade any of the experiences and friendships I'm making...no matter how much sleep someone was offering me! ;)

This experience has already been a crazy ride! It's been a blast and totally challenging all at once, and I wouldn't change anything about it. I feel like a better version of myself here...more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have before. But, just so I don't get all sappy, I'm gonna move on.

Classes have been nuts. Every morning, I go into my classes and in the afternoon I leave with my mind completely blown. My favorite class is most definitely my Life of Christ class. While all of my classes are interesting, and I like them, I especially like this one.  It's taught by Pat, who is the assistant director of AIM. He's one of the most incredible Bible teachers I've ever had. I always feel like Jesus is in the room with us whenever he teaches. It's crazy. I feel myself growing so much as a Christian.

I've made so many new friends since I got here. Friends that I feel like I'll be friends with for the rest of my life. And I'm so glad. I love all my friends in AYG and stuff, but the relationships I'm building here are so incredible. I'm just so so so happy. It's the best feeling.

Ok, this has been really short and all over the place, but I don't really care. I've got to pack for our first trip, which we leave for tomorrow! It's a retreat with just our class. Mountain View here I come! ;)

WHOA

So, I haven't blogged in forever...well, it really hasn't been forever, but SO SO SO much has happened since then that it feels like it's been forever. So here's an update, or something like that...

So, I left Bowling Green. Which was really hard for me. Like, really hard. My mom and the lovely Abby Potter (otherwise known as A-Pot) threw me a going away party. Basically, we had cake and drinks after church. Then the adults left, and then youth group people (and Ryan, of course) stayed and played Wink and Do You Love Your Neighbor, which we hadn't played in a really long time. It was a really awesome way to officially end my time with the Alvaton Youth Group. So here are some photographic gems from that party...

The lovely A-Pot. I really miss this girl. Too much.

The Taylors. Both Taylor C. and I graduated this year, so we're leaving Taylor E. all to herself in the youth group. I'm sure it will be weird for her to know people are talking to her when they say Taylor. No more confusion yay, haha.

My favorite "Future AIMer"

I miss her way more than I can explain.

This wasn't part of my going away party, because it was taken the next day when I went out to lunch with Ryan and Melinda. But, it was part of my goodbyes so there's that. Also, I think this picture is very precious, matching sunglasses and all.

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My mom and I left Tuesday morning to make the 17 hour drive from Bowling Green to Lubbock. It was tons of fun to take that trip with her, and I love that we got to chance to spend time together like that. I only have one picture from that trip, oddly. It's from the last day of driving.

We were driving through Texas, and there were all these windmills. I'd seen windmills before, but they were the kind that they have in Holland or something, so they're all colorful and they almost look fake. But I'd never seen this many in one place. For miles and miles and miles this was all there was. I don't know, I thought it was neat.

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So, then I moved into my apartment, met my roomates and stuff like that. I'm sharing an apartment with three other girls. Savannah, Amanda, and Tanya. I'm sharing a room with Tanya. So far, I really love them. They make me laugh and we've had a really good time together.

Apartment 10C whatwhat.

Tanya is loads of fun.

I still have pictures left to add to my bulletin board, but other than that, this is my room area thing.

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Ok, now that we're up to date, I just wanna write about my feelings or something like that. This morning at church, someone asked me how it felt to be an AIMer...it took me a minute to process...I'm an AIMer. It feels so surreal. Like, I can't believe that this time has come, and I also can't believe that I feel this many different things about it all.

 

Kris asked us to sum up in one word how we feel about all of this...I don't think that I could even really sum it up in a sentence. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this many things all at once. I feel anxious, and nervous, of course. But also, I feel so incredibly blessed. I can't believe I get to be a part of something so out of this world awesome. I feel so happy. Freaked. Pumped. Ready. Excited. Insane. Overwhelmed. In complete disbelief.

Soooo, I guess my word would have been anxiousnervousblessedhappyfreakedpumpedreadyexcitedinsaneoverwhelmeddisbelief.

So basically I'm just soooo out of this world excited. I've closed the chapter of my life that was Bowling Green...it will always hold a special place in my heart, and there are people there who will definitely always be a part of my life. But it's time for me to move on.

It's time for me to get on with writing the rest of my story...well, let God write the rest of my story.

Basically I'm just waiting for all of this to feel real. Someone pinch me. Ok, don't really.

Feeling Like A Song Lyric

A few days ago I was feeling totally overwhelmed. There were/are so many loose ends that I was just waiting to get tied up. And while there are still some of those, there are nearly as many now. And it feels really good.

One of the things that was hanging over my head to take care of was my yard sale. About a month and a half ago I sent out an email to everyone at church asking for donations for this massive yard sale I wanted to have. As things started rolling in, it was clear that I wasn't going to be able to have only one. So I had my first one, and made $200. Then, as the summer went on, ore and more people started to bring me things. So I had this huge yard sale on Saturday. I had to work out locations, ads and tons of other stuff. I figured out that I was gonna have it in this building at Potter, and since Potter had a youth group volunteering there Friday, they lent me some volunteers and they helped me move somewhere around 40 boxes over to the building. Saturday was the relatively easy part...at least the morning. I made around $400, so that was really exciting. Saturday afternoon my awesome youth minister and friend Jordan helped me tear everything down and put Allen Phy back together. I'm so so so SO relieved to have that behind me now. That was definitely a huge item on my "to do list" that I got to check off! Whew!

Both my passport and luggage have come in the mail within the last couple days. It always really stresses me out to order things offline, because I'm always afraid that they won't get to me by the time I need them. But, now that I have my luggage I can pack. It's also a HUGE relief to have my passport all done and taken care of.

So, because those huge stresses are taken care of, I got to enjoy today. And I'm so, so glad that I did.

As far as days go, today was exceptionally good. I couldn't go to sleep until about 5:30 this morning, which kind of sucked. But, around 11 I woke up to the sound of my mom on the phone with her friend Tiffany telling her that she would get lunch and bring it up to her apartment so they could hang out. I woke up all the way and convinced my mom to take me with her. So my mom and I went and got Zaxby's and then went up and hung out with Tiffany.

Then, mom and I dropped my phone off at this place called Digital Doc. It's this place where they repair electronics. Both my phone screen and the back of it were shattered, and I'd been wanting to get it taken care of for a long time. So I was super pumped about finally getting it done.

I had some free time this afternoon, so I texted Kaitlin, who I hadn't seen all summer, and asked her if she'd like to go to band camp. She said yes, so we met at the school and went in to see everyone. We started in the auditorium, which was where the front ensemble was. Neither of us had seen Mitch since graduation, so we were both really excited about that. When I walked into the auditorium they were in the middle of playing part of their show. When they noticed us and finished playing, Zach, Mitch, and Dana all ran off the stage and hugged me. With a little convincing, I got a hug out of Josh as well...I missed my babies, haha. It was so nice to see them all...It was nice to see everyone that I'd missed, really. But the most exciting part was seeing Mitch and Kaitlin. A technology only relationship with them is not enough.

After band camping, my mom and I went to the mall for a bit, but we didn't get to do much shopping, because we had to be at Potter by 4:30 to go out to eat with the youth group that's currently volunteering there. It was really fun to go out to eat and sit and talk with people.

My friend Taylor picked me up from Cheddars, and we went to Toys R Us. We had planned to buy something for Elsie for her birthday, along with the other Taylor in youth group (yeah, a gift from The Taylors cause we're cute) but some money stuff happened, so it got prolonged. We finally had all the money, so Taylor Evans and I went to Toys R Us to get this tunnel thing for her that we'd all already agreed on. So after we got it, we went and wrapped it (in Dora paper) and then took it over to Ryan and Melinda. Elsie was asleep when we got there, but Melinda said she could get up and play for a little while. So she got up, and got really excited about the wrapping paper, and then Melinda opened it and set up the tunnel thing. It was so funny to watch Elsie get warmed up to it. At first she just sat on the edge of it and laughed at whoever was on the other end. Then she eventually would crawl through it if either Ryan or Melinda was about halfway in the tunnel holding out their arms to her. Then eventually she just started taking off crawling through it. I'm really glad that we got her something that she can enjoy. After that we just sat around with Ryan, Melinda, Jordan and Austin and watched Honey Boo Boo. I'd never seen it before, so that was interesting.

Then Taylor and I went and got GADS in what we refer to as "Donuts After Dark" then danced and sang all the way home.

Basically today was one of the best days I've had in a long time. It made me feel like that song lyric from Singing In The Rain..."What a glorious feeling, I'm happy again..."

I think I might be the most blessed girl in the whole world.

A Big Bowl of Spaghetti

"I've been experiencing logistics suffocation torture (LST) for a few weeks now. This is where you know that you are supposed to be making some plans and getting a bunch of crap figured out in the very near future so your brain is in a constant state of attempting to resolve every single geographical and scheduling conflicts that could ever exist." - It Just Gets Stranger

That is a direct quote from a blog post that I just read. And I don't think I've ever understood something so well. Because, Eli is getting ready to move to the United States after living in a tropical island country for a year now. He's going through all of this stress and he has a huge list of things that he needs to accomplish before he can actually move.

That's where I'm at, right now. I don't know if LST is a real thing or not, but I'm definitely experiencing something like it. I have so much stuff to do. It's completely overwhelming, and it kind of makes me not want to do any of it. Kind of like those memes that say "That moment when you have so much stuff to do that you just decided to take a nap". I want to take a nap...but I'm having trouble sleeping because I have so much to do. Life is a vicious cycle.

I've got so much hanging over my head right now. I have $450 more a month to come up with so that I'll be meeting the bare minimum of what I need to live. I've got to finish buying stuff for my apartment. I've got all these loose ends that are in the process of coming together, but just haven't quite made it yet. And it's killing me. Because a lot of them aren't in my hands anymore. For instance, I got my passport...ordered it or whatever, but I'm just waiting and hoping that it's gonna get here by the time I need to leave. I've got luggage coming that I ordered offline, and I can't pack until it gets here. Stuff like that.

I've got a follow up letter to write to people who have told me that they'll give me money every month, but I don't know how they're supposed to send it to me yet. All of these things are all tangled together. My life kind of feels like a big bowl of spaghetti right now that I'm trying to pull one noodle out at a time. If anyone has ever been successful with this, help a sister out, k?

I'm just ready to pull past all this stressfulness and really get to enjoy it. Because I'm 100% sure that, while this adventure will be rocky, and I may not always love every part of it, it's going to be something that I'm going to enjoy. Because God wants me to do this, and I know that God's plans for me are beyond my wildest dreams.

All in all, I'm stressed, but hopeful.

My Church Family is Awesome :)

At the end of each sermon/lesson at church, there's always an invitation given. Which basically means that whoever spoke encourages whomever to come forward if they need prayers, or want to be baptized.

On Wednesday nights at Alvaton, this man always speaks and gives the lesson. I love the way he gives lessons. He always takes a story from something he's seen/heard/saw/experienced. He always tells this story, and draws this spiritual connection, and they all really stick with me. Well, this last week, on Wednesday night, he told a story about when his daughter was little. He talked about how they bought a swingset with a slide to put in their yard.

The first time she went up to the ladder, she looked up, got really scared, and asked him to lift her up to the top. So he did, then he went around to the front of the slide, and then he held onto her as she slid down, because she was so scared. This went on, each time giving her more freedom, because she got less and less scared. Eventually, she told him to get out of the way, and she slid down by herself.

While I listened to this, I was thinking about how growing up, I've always felt scared to do things on my own. I always wanted to have a friend with me when I went places, and things like that. And I thought about how crazy it is that I'm going to AIM. I thought about how gaining courage has really been a bunch of baby steps for me. There have been times in my life when I've needed people to hold me, and times when I've needed people to hold my hands. But, doing this, going to AIM, is like letting go of all of the people who have done that for me.

Now, it's not like they're just going away for good, just that I'm leaving all of them behind. I'm not gonna have them there to hold my hand, or carry me. It's time for me to be a big girl (or "adult" as some people like to say) and do something on my own.

When the invitation was given, I decided that tonight was the right time for me to go forward and ask for prayers about AIM. I had decided a couple weeks ago that I was gonna, I just hadn't decided when yet. But the story really resonated with me, and it really hit me in a big way how soon it is that I'm leaving. I was sitting by Ryan and Melinda, so I had to get across them and go to the front.

Here's something that I really, really love about my youth group: when one of us goes forward, everyone goes with them. It's a really nice feeling, not being alone when you go forward. When you do, you feel really vulnerable, and having all of them with you makes you feel loved, and supported. Anyways. I went up and sat down and Ryan sat down beside me, and Taylor/Morgan sat down on the other side of me. Ryan asked what was going on and talked to me a little bit about AIM and all the things I was nervous about, etc. When Ryan got up to tell everyone what was going on, Justin sat down on the other side of me.

After Ryan got done telling people what I had come forward for, they all prayed for me, and then came and gave me hugs. It's so nice to feel so much love and support.

This one man, Darryl, said to me "I know you, and how you are. If you can't do this, then no one can." And that just meant so much to me, because I like to think of myself as a fighter, and it made me feel really good to have someone else say it, too.

I just really love the church family that God gave me to grow up with, and I'm never going to stop being grateful to them for being good Christian examples, for loving me, and for being the one and only constant that I had, at a lot of times. I each and every one of them very much, and leaving them is going to be the hardest of all. I'm so glad to know that they all support me, and have got my back.

God is good, and I'm so glad that He takes care of me. :) I'm just feeling really good.

(Oh, on a really happy note: A friend of mine got baptized tonight! Yay!)