I'm gonna love like you've never seen. OH MY GOODNESS. God shows me sooo much love. Like, every day. And it literally blows my mind how much He loves me. I know that my human mind can't comprehend it all, but what I do understand...whoa. It's crazy to me that I don't just know it (although just the knowledge would be incredible)...I can see it. God shows me, and has especially opened my eyes lately, to all the blessings that he's given me, and how they've all been because He loves me. My generous supporters, my family and friends back home, my new family here? All blessings from God because He loves me and I'm His daughter.
You are gonna live like you used to dream. This is your new song. Sometimes, my life here feels like a dream. I know that's cheesy, but I don't really care. Being in AIM and all that comes with that is something that I dreamed about, hoped for, and prayed about for a long time. Finally being here seriously feels surreal sometimes, even 6 weeks in. God has blessed me with a life that I dreamed about, and it's just so awesome to me.
You don't have to be afraid. Even if you make mistakes, you know that I'll remain. I'm a messed up person. We all are. I've got problems that I can't fix on my own. I have to have God's help, and letting Him help me every day is a struggle. But even when I slip up...when I don't let Him help me, when I try to do things on my own. God is always there. He's waiting to catch me so I don't fall face first onto the ground. He's constantly there, even when I've screwed things up so bad I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have to be afraid of God leaving me, because He'll forever be with me.
If you seek you'll find me every time. This is something that always has been, and still is, hard for me to grasp. Seeking God doesn't really seem to be a problem. I pray, and I try to do it as consistently as I can. But believing that I'll find him every time? That's not something I've ever really believed. For most of my life, when I've prayed, I've thought I was praying to a God who was listening, yes, but I couldn't ever pinpoint how He was there. How He had His hands in situations. But, since I've been here, I feel like God has opened my eyes, and I can so much more clearly see Him in certain situations.
This last little lyric especially reminds me of this last week I've had. Of all my weeks at AIM, this one has without a doubt been the hardest. I had my first little bit of roommate drama, homesickness, struggling with my own battles with my mental health and anxiety, and trying to take good care of myself. All while trying to stay on top of my schoolwork. And it's been hard. Incredibly so. In my weakest moments, I've even gone so far as to wonder why in the world I'm putting myself through all of this stress and heartache for "some program"...then I remember that Satan tries to target those who's faith is being tested. So, I decided that I would just start seeking God when I get stressed, or feel overwhelmed and Satan starts trying to eat at me. It's amazing to me that, when I feel like there's nothing but negativity, simply asking God to show me what He's up to in a certain situation can basically rock my world.
Because of that one question, being uttered time and time again, especially this last week, God has shown me through several negative situations, and has helped make them into positive outcomes. Yay! Seeking God when things are hard isn't easy. I tend to want to run ahead and take care of things myself. But God has a plan, and He's got perfect timing. Those are both things I don't usually have.
Just remembering that I can't add anything by worrying, and I seeking God with my whole heart usually gets me the answer.
Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good... (My mantra)
