So, the other day, I wrote about how homesick I've been feeling. And it's true, I miss my Kentucky home, and all my family there. But, at the same time, this is my new home. It's kind of interesting, having two homes. I miss my friends and family in Kentucky. But, at the same time, this new place and my friends and family here hold my heart, too. So, I want to take some time to share about my new friends and family here and the things that I actually love about Lubbock.
I love how blue the sky is. I love the way, when we're driving to Denver City on Sundays, I can look out the car window and see so far in either direction. The sky is everywhere I look. I think it's so cool that, initially thought everything here was super ugly, but now I'm starting to see the beauty.
I've loved my classes. I really loved learning from the intelligent, God loving me that are my teachers. It's crazy to me that they're not really just teachers. I know that they all genuinely care about me, and want to see me succeed. It's a nice feeling.
I love that my entire belief system was basically torn down and is now being rebuilt. It's not like I'm not relearning some things that I already knew before, I am. But one some things I'm gaining brand new knowledge and on others my perspective is totally being changed. I'm thinking and studying the Bible in ways that I never have before.
I love love love how real Jesus has become to me. I love God, and I've always been really grateful for Jesus dying for me, but I'd never really thought of Jesus as a person. I knew, on an intellectual level, that at one point he was a man who walked on the Earth. But I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus was a living, breathing man, and how he had feelings, thoughts, and temptations. I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus got his feelings hurt sometimes. The same way that it hurts me when someone says something to me that's kind of mean, Jesus wasn't immune to that. It wasn't like Jesus was made of stone, he got his feelings hurt, and felt bad when people treated him poorly. Because I see Jesus in this new light, it's been easier for me to develop a more serious relationship with him, and God as well.
I love that I've made so many new friends. High school ended pretty crappy socially, for me, at least. I wholeheartedly believe that part of the reason God put me in AIM was to help me remember what it meant to have healthy friendships. It's making me so much happier. I feel better about myself than I ever have before, and it feels soooo good.
I love that, for once in my life, all of my friends are trying to build me up rather than tear me down. I can't think of a single relationship I've built here in which I think someone doesn't have my best interest somewhere in their heart, and I feel the same about all of them. Not that any of us are perfect, we're not. But we all have a common love for God, and for each other.
I love that I know these people love me enough to drop anything and everything and pray for me, at any time, if that's what I need. Like I said the other day, I've been going through some rough stuff the last few days, and it's been pretty hard on me. The other night, I was supposed to lead small group. I was really nervous, and I felt really unprepared, and it kind of amplified all of the other stuff. Long story short, I kind of ended up having a breakdown. I was pretty much crying uncontrollably, and couldn't really pull myself together. They all asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and when I started to tell them about everything that was going on, Amy Jo, my small group assistant, basically said that we'd push my small group lesson back a week and pray for me and the stuff I was upset about. So we did. They all prayed for me, and then read Bible verses to me about comfort and how much God cares. It felt so good to know that they all love and care about me enough to drop their plans and be there for me when I needed them.
I love that there are people here who are willing to lovingly call me out when I'm doing something wrong. That there are people who are willing to just come up to me and ask me how I'm doing in a certain area, and hold me accountable. I love that I know they don't see me differently because of things that I have struggled with in the past and struggle with now. I know that the things they say or do are out of love, and I love that they trust me with theirs just as I do with mine.
I love that there's a sense of unknown and adventure that taints everything I do. There's so much here that's so out in the open and up in the air. I know God is working in all of this, and is taking care of the rest of my AIM time, and the rest of my life. He's going to make my life so crazy awesome when the time is right. There's something about so fully dedicating my life to God that has made it so exciting. I don't usually like to not know what the next step is, but God is teaching me how to be patient, walk by faith, and find excitement in each step of the journey. I've never been so wholly open to God's will before, and because of that, He's making everything come together for me.
I love that it's not easy. I know it's weird to love being challenged, and I don't really love it when it's happening, but I love how much AIM is stretching me. That I'm being forced to grow. I'm glad that it's hard to live with people that, two months ago, were total strangers. It's making me have a more mature perspective on situations, because if it didn't then I would constantly be living in conflict with people.
I love that it's forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. That's one of the things that I love about area church. There's something about going into a church, meeting people and building relationships, serving them, and knowing that you're making a difference that's just so cool to me! I've been really blessed by the way this is causing me to be a more outgoing.
I love that, as I'm growing and learning more about myself, I'm also starting to learn what my gifts are. As we're starting to think about where we'd like to go for our field time, and we're watching all these field presentations, I'm having to think and pray about what kind of ministries I'd like to be involved in, and it's forcing me to think about what I'm good at. As a result, it's opening my eyes to what the gifts God has blessed me with might be.
Sometimes, I even love that I'm homesick. For real, I love that I get the chance to miss all the things and people that I'd taken for granted all my life. I never fully appreciated the support system that I had back home, and I love that I get the chance to miss them and wish that I had them around more often. I know that it's going to make the time we share and do get together all the more special and sacred to me.
All in all, life here isn't perfect. But, I love that, too. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Life is flawed, and broken, and messed up. I don't think that AIM would be challenging me and causing me to grow in the way that it is if it was perfect all the time.
What I love most of all, though, is that I know without a doubt that God is blessing this journey. I know that God has always been blessing me, and would have continued to bless me even if I'd chosen college or something else over AIM. But there's something about the ways He's so obviously blessing me during this time that makes me so sure I've made the decision He wanted me to make. That I'm right where He wants me to be. I know that I'm going to continue to be tested and tried, but I believe that God, and my new family here, are going to continue to support me through whatever those may be, whenever they arise.
Now I want to share a few verses (or parts of verses) that have been really been on my heart and mind since I've been here...
"God has made everything beautiful in the right time. He has planted eternity in the human heart. But even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11
"The secret things belong to The Lord." Deuteronomy 29:29
"I may roll the dice, but The Lord determines where they fall." Proverbs 16:33
"I must teach the Good News in the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent." Luke 4:43
"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33
"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for everything He has done." Philippians 4:6
"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away from me my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness." Psalm 30:11
