One of the biggest lessons that I've learned in life is that timing is key. Not my timing, though. God's timing is key to any situation. God's timing is perfect, and mine isn't. I say that all the time. It's actually more like I remind myself of that all the time. When I look at my life, and the way things have worked out, it's all proof that God is the ultimate master of time, not me. There are times when I try to rush ahead and not be patient and wait for Him, and I usually end up falling flat on my face. Personally, I think my impatience is one of my biggest faults. I'm constantly trying to fight against God's timing, when in reality when I just wait for God to make it happen, it does. With much less stress and hassle.
God's timing and major changes have been the main themes of my year so far. I think the biggest and most obvious change that's been made is that I decided to leave AIM. The main reason for this is timing. I love AIM and I'm so thankful for all the experiences I had while I was there, but towards the end of my time in Lubbock, and the closer I got to going to the field, the more and more I felt like the timing wasn't right. I'm an extremely stubborn person, though, and (like I said above) quite impatient. So it took the help of people wiser than me, with a different perspective, to help me see what I already knew. I'm currently thinking about going back to AIM in the fall. More prayer than ever is going into that decision, though. I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that God's timing is going to be the biggest focus of my prayers and decisions.
Maybe it'll be God's timing for me to go back to AIM in the fall, maybe it won't. I hope that it is, because, like I said, I love AIM and I cherish all the memories I have from it. I still want to work for God. I know I don't have to be an AIMer to do that, but it sure is an awesome way to do it. I'd love to go back and have the AIM experience again, it's like a fresh start full of second chances, which is something we're not always offered in life. But, I know that, if I do go back, I want to make sure that God is at the center of that decision, not my human desire to do something. Because no matter how good my intentions are, if God's timing isn't the timing I'm working on, nothing will work out well. That much I know for sure.
I was telling my mom the other day that two of the things that stress me out the most are being caught off guard and plans changing unexpectedly. And both of those things have been huge parts of my life recently. But, in spite of that, I've never felt more at peace with where I am in life. Sure, I'm disappointed that I don't get to go to Miami like I'd planned. And sure, I'm heartbroken that I had to leave AIM. But, despite that, I feel totally, 100% at peace with my life. That, to me, is proof that I'm living on God's timing. In the midst of two things that stress me out and generally upset me, I feel totally at peace and happier than I've felt in a long time.
Wow, it felt good to finally sit down and write all of this out.
