At the end of each sermon/lesson at church, there's always an invitation given. Which basically means that whoever spoke encourages whomever to come forward if they need prayers, or want to be baptized.
On Wednesday nights at Alvaton, this man always speaks and gives the lesson. I love the way he gives lessons. He always takes a story from something he's seen/heard/saw/experienced. He always tells this story, and draws this spiritual connection, and they all really stick with me. Well, this last week, on Wednesday night, he told a story about when his daughter was little. He talked about how they bought a swingset with a slide to put in their yard.
The first time she went up to the ladder, she looked up, got really scared, and asked him to lift her up to the top. So he did, then he went around to the front of the slide, and then he held onto her as she slid down, because she was so scared. This went on, each time giving her more freedom, because she got less and less scared. Eventually, she told him to get out of the way, and she slid down by herself.
While I listened to this, I was thinking about how growing up, I've always felt scared to do things on my own. I always wanted to have a friend with me when I went places, and things like that. And I thought about how crazy it is that I'm going to AIM. I thought about how gaining courage has really been a bunch of baby steps for me. There have been times in my life when I've needed people to hold me, and times when I've needed people to hold my hands. But, doing this, going to AIM, is like letting go of all of the people who have done that for me.
Now, it's not like they're just going away for good, just that I'm leaving all of them behind. I'm not gonna have them there to hold my hand, or carry me. It's time for me to be a big girl (or "adult" as some people like to say) and do something on my own.
When the invitation was given, I decided that tonight was the right time for me to go forward and ask for prayers about AIM. I had decided a couple weeks ago that I was gonna, I just hadn't decided when yet. But the story really resonated with me, and it really hit me in a big way how soon it is that I'm leaving. I was sitting by Ryan and Melinda, so I had to get across them and go to the front.
Here's something that I really, really love about my youth group: when one of us goes forward, everyone goes with them. It's a really nice feeling, not being alone when you go forward. When you do, you feel really vulnerable, and having all of them with you makes you feel loved, and supported. Anyways. I went up and sat down and Ryan sat down beside me, and Taylor/Morgan sat down on the other side of me. Ryan asked what was going on and talked to me a little bit about AIM and all the things I was nervous about, etc. When Ryan got up to tell everyone what was going on, Justin sat down on the other side of me.
After Ryan got done telling people what I had come forward for, they all prayed for me, and then came and gave me hugs. It's so nice to feel so much love and support.
This one man, Darryl, said to me "I know you, and how you are. If you can't do this, then no one can." And that just meant so much to me, because I like to think of myself as a fighter, and it made me feel really good to have someone else say it, too.
I just really love the church family that God gave me to grow up with, and I'm never going to stop being grateful to them for being good Christian examples, for loving me, and for being the one and only constant that I had, at a lot of times. I each and every one of them very much, and leaving them is going to be the hardest of all. I'm so glad to know that they all support me, and have got my back.
God is good, and I'm so glad that He takes care of me. :) I'm just feeling really good.
(Oh, on a really happy note: A friend of mine got baptized tonight! Yay!)
