Thankful.

This morning, in ladies' chapel, we spent time singing and reading scripture that was focused on thankfulness, and showing/giving thanks to our Father. This was, of course, done because we're about to leave for Thanksgiving break, and November is generally a month full of thankfulness. But, I'll be honest...this month I haven't been feeling too cheery, and I've kind of let my thankfulness to God go. I know, that's a terrible attitude. But, I've been feeling so down lately that it's been hard for me. But, because of this morning and reflecting back on this month, I'm reminded again that God says when we go through hard times, we should still be thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to grow. I know this is true. Had I not gone through the hard things that I've gone through, I wouldn't even resemble the person I am today, much less be an AIMer. And the person I am, though I have my faults, I'm pretty proud of. I have the perseverance that gets talked about in the Bible as a result of difficult situations. Although I didn't enjoy any of these trials while they were happening, I can't imagine what a wimp I'd be without them. I wouldn't be able to handle conflict, use the word "no", control myself when I'm angry, I would let people walk all over me...but, the most important, and long lasting, result of the difficult things I've gone through is my relationship with God. Maybe that's why God let me endure all these things. I'm probably one of his most stubborn creatures, and I think it's taken all the things I've gone through in life to teach me one lesson: I need God. I can't do anything at all without Him.

If I had the chance to go back and choose whether or not to be tried, to have hard stuff thrown at me, to have the past I've had, I would still choose to go through them. Do I have regrets? Of course. But good, bad, and ugly, the experiences I've gone through have shaped and molded me into the person that I am today. When God made me, He knew who I'd become. He knew that I'd have the experiences that I've had, and the ones I haven't had yet. He knew that I'd eventually wind up leading a life trying to turn everything I've gone through into something I can use to glorify Him. I've tried so hard to let God fill the holes in my life, so that I can in turn help people see that God can fill the holes in theirs, too. Because I try so hard to let God fill my heart, I know it belongs to Him and only Him.

So, even though I'm going through times right now that are hard for me, I am blessed. Even though I feel like Satan is attacking me from all sides, and going right for the chinks in my armor, I am thankful for all the blessings God has given me. The life I live, the people I love, the people who love me, and for my God who is big enough to make all my problems go away with just one word.

This past weekend, the DC AIMers were counselors at a youth retreat at Mountain View. It was a cool experience to be a counselor, and teach a class and fun stuff like that. But the coolest part of it all was how perfectly tailored [insert name pun here] the lessons were for me, and my life right now. The theme of the weekend was "Only A Mountain". It was based around Matthew 17:20, which is the verse that talks about faith the size of a mustard seed that can move mountains. They talked about how our trials are mountains, and how God takes care of them, and will move them out of our way if we'll just keep our faith. And I think that is more reason to be thankful in hard times than any other reason.

So, this season of difficulty that I'm feeling right now? God's got that. He's taking care of it, as long as I'm letting Him. And the times of trial, of Satan tempting me and trying to tear me down? They're making me pure. They're giving me the endurance I need to fight back, and to keep moving forward in my relationship with God. They're making me a better person.

I will keep being thankful. I will keep praising God. He's blessing me through this, even though it's hard to see it, or it doesn't feel like it sometimes. There's never going to be a time when Satan takes it easy on me. But, I love God, and I want to do what he tells me to do. So, I'll keep on striving to be thankful and consider it a blessing when things aren't easy for me.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials. For we know that they help us develop endurance." Romans 5:3

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to test us when we are being tested." Hebrews 2:18

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way , consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow...God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-3,12

I'm gonna put the music video for the theme song of the Mt View retreat weekend right here, because I think it's a really neat song...

so, it's done...

So, tonight we filled out these lists saying where we'd like to go and who we'd like to go with. I'll be honest...I've been saying all along that I'm not worried about it, because God has my team and field already picked out. And that was true, to a certain point...

But honestly, deep down, I've been freaking out. I know, on a logical level that God already has this figured out and it doesn't matter what I want, but it's ok. Tonight was a relief for me, because I feel like I have officially relinquished any kind of control I had, and it's all in God's hands. It's a cool, but also scary feeling.

I know the time that lies between now and when we find out is going to really be a challenge for me, and it's going to stretch me and cause me to really "practice what I preach" and truly walk by faith.

Soooo, yeah. Short blog post, but I just wanted to write about this because it was such a big deal.

Also, I just wanted to add in this picture of me from Wal Mart the other night. I have a hurt foot, so walking has been really rough for me. So, I got a wheelchair from Wal Mart. Yes, I acted like I was a thug. Yes, I'm 18 years old and should be more mature. I know, OK? ;)