The Goal

Warning: my thoughts are all over the place right now, so none of this will probably make any sense. Including that sentence...

in Bible class, we talked about John 17. I found this chapter and lesson particularly interesting, but one part of it really struck home for me...

John 17:1-5 says

"After saying all these things, Jesus looked up to heaven and said 'Father, the hour has come. Glorify your son so he can give glory back to you. For you have given him authority over everyone. He gives eternal life to each one you have given him. And this is the way to have eternal life-- to know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one you sent to Earth. I brought glory to you here on Earth by completing the work you gave me to do. Now, Father, bring me into the glory we shared before the world began."

I really like the first verse of this. Because Jesus asks God to glorify him, so that he can give glory to God. This is so interesting to me because Jesus is basically asking for his crucifixion to be made very public. He's asking for something that would be very shameful to most people to be brought right to everyone's attention, so that he's in an excellent position to give God all kinds of glory. This kind of makes me think of Tim Tebow, who uses his "fame" to bring glory to God. Jesus basically asks God to use the terrible positon that he's been put in and make it where Jesus can give glory to him. Sometimes I'm put into really stressful situations (granted, they're nowhere near as stressful as the one Jesus is in, but stressful nonetheless), and I can use them to bring glory to God. But how many times do I actually do that? If I'm being honest, almost never. Usually, when I'm presented with a negative situation, I get frustrated, and snappy. Sometimes even mean. How much glory does that give God? Jesus had every right to get mad at so many people. Judas, Pilot, and many, many more people. But he didn't. In fact, he asked God to forgive the very people who he should have been so mad at. If that's not showing people God's glory, I don't know what is.

In verse three, Jesus says to God that the only way to get eternal life is to know God, and to know Jesus Christ. It's interesting that he included this, because obviously God knew that that's the way to get eternal life, he set it up that way. Jesus knew it, because he was part of the whole master plan. Jesus used that as a reminder for himself, first of all. It was kind of like him saying "Note to self: the only way for all these people to get eternal life is for me to go through all this awful stuff. Hey, that kind of makes it a little less unbearable." But, there was also a deeper reason for him saying it. He said it because he wasn't alone when he was saying this prayer...Peter, James, and John were there with him as well. He said that in his prayer because he wanted them to know, so that they could pass the message on, that the only way to get to heaven is to know God and his son Jesus Christ.

I can't wrap my mind around how Jesus must have been feeling through all of this. He's clearly torn up emotionally. I mean, who wouldn't be? He's about to be killed, and he's completely innocent, for one. He's probably feeling a whole hurricane of emotions. Anger, terror, and sadness, to name a few that one could assume he'd be feeling. I mean, those are all rational emotions, anyone would feel them. That's why Jesus begs God to take death away from him. He tells God that if there's any other way for this whole thing to go down, he's really appreciate it. But that if there's not, he's gonna do it. Jesus knew that, because God wasn't taking this off his shoulders, it was the only way to save all of humanity. What a sacrifice to make. He was perfect, but he took all the imperfections of all of us on to save us from the trap of Satan.

In verse four, Jesus says that he brought glory to God on earth by finishing the work that God gave him to do. God gave us all work to do. In order to bring glory to God, which we should all be striving for, we should be doing what we're called to do: spreading the good news. I'm not perfect by any means, when it comes to this, but I do try and follow the perfect example that I have. I want to bring God glory through everything that I do. Therefore, I should stop following my own human, weak, fleshy desires, and strive for perfection every day.

John 17:13 says

"Now I am coming to you. I told them many things while I was in this world so they would be filled with my joy."

We, as weak humans, can't say things like what Jesus says in verse 13 very often, because we don't do what God calls us to. God calls us to spread his word, and give people the joy that can be found in Jesus. I don't know about anyone else, but I love to make people happy. In fact, it's my one major goal in life to tell people about the true happiness they can get when they rely on God to provide it. Too many times, when we pray, we use a bullet list of things that we need/want from God. We don't really get to update God on all the things that we've done for him, because as humans we don't really do all that much for God, in the department of talking to others about him. I pass up way too many opportunities to talk about God, which leaves my prayer life a little stunted.

I said all this to say that I'm making it a goal to change my prayer life. A point that was made in class tonight was that in order to change your prayer life and make it more rich and full, you have to change your whole life. You have to change the attitude that you have, you have to change the way you interact with people, you have to basically change everything about yourself. Just in a really really good way, rather than a bad one.

Anywhoo...the goal of this summer is to focus on creating a richer, fuller prayer life. Because talking to people is how you get to know them, and I'd really like to get to know God...

Ok, this was all over the place. I don't even care, though, because I had this on my mind and I wanted to put it all down in words. So there it is. <3 

Deuces, Spring!

2013, thus far, has been SO exciting. I've experienced so many new things it's not even funny. I caught the Norovirus, I went to New York City, I went to prom, and I graduated...just to name a few. (Not to mention I'm typing this on my brand new laptop--my first big "adult" purchase, might I add. :)

Here are just a few of the pictures that have been taken throughout all these exciting things...

Ok, this wasn't the beginning of the year, but this was in February. This is one of my best friends, Sydney, and I. We were staying in a cabin in Gatlinburg, TN for the weekend to go to Challenge Youth Conference. It was a really exciting time, and Gatlinburg was beautiful, of course...it always is.

The Service Road Trip, which the youth group goes on every spring break, was incredible of course. It started out with almost half of the group getting sick, so that sucked. But it at least semi redeemed itself. We worked in Tinton, NJ on Sandy Relief. We worked at lots where houses had been torn down. We went through all the dirt looking for trash or other various things. We found some stuff that made us really sad, like baby clothes, and even a teddy bear. It was heartbreaking to see all the devastation, but it was nice to know that we really made a difference.

WE WENT TO NEW YORK CITY!!! I'm not gonna lie, NYC was awesome. I'd LOVE to live there some day. In fact, my friend Angel Ann and I decided that we're gonna move there and run the world some day, because someone once told us that if we'd tag team we'd rule the whole world...which, thinking about it is probably pretty true--ha. Anyway. New York City is gross and disgusting, and there are tons of people, but it somehow works for them. I wouldn't change it at all. (The bottom picture is from our night time bus tour...and I may or may not be tearing up because it was so freaking beautiful...)

The senior banquet. The senior banquet is something that I'd always been part of the waitstaff at. It was something that I'd always known I was gonna be a part of some day, but I'd never thought about it actually happening. It was a really beautiful night. We had dinner that was made by this excellent caterer, and was served by the younger youth group members (which was really weird, by the way). Then, it was time for the parents to give their speeches. This is always a really emotional part of the senior banquet, and I always cry for everyone. My mom's speech was definitely no exception. She gave a beautiful speech and talked about the different things that I'd taught her throughout the last 18 years. Then, we got gifts, which is always awesome. It was one of those nights that you could talk forever about and still not run out of good things to say. I feel so blessed to have my church family by my side through thick and thin, and I'm really grateful to them for putting the whole thing together.

Prom was...an experience. Getting dressed up, doing my hair, and putting on make up is not really something that I'm totally comfortable with, but I did it because I figured if not for prom, when? But prom ended up being a not so great experience. For a lot of reasons that I won't go into, but a lot of things just kept going wrong, and, if I'm being totally honest, that whole day was kind of a bust. Regardless, I look freaking awesome, so I had to put a picture in here. ;)

Y'all...I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. It still doesn't feel real, yet. But it just happened last night...I'm sure it will sink it eventually. But, graduation, all in all, was a really good experience. Some of my closest family and friends all came over to my house for a little while before the actual ceremony, because it was so late in the evening. Then, the actual graduation part happened. Which was pretty boring, as graduations usually are. But, the most surreal thing happened...when they asked us to move our tassels and turn our stoles, I had kind of an out-of-body experience. I just remember thinking "I can't believe this is happening. This can't be real." and then I threw my cap and hugged my friend Alex, who was sitting next to me, and went to find my family, and Ryan and Melinda, of course. We took some pictures...the one on the bottom is my favorite picture of Elsie and I to date...which pretty much makes it my favorite picture. I love that little girl, and I love my mom, and I love Ryan and Melinda, and all the rest of my family. I just love that everyone was there to support me. I still don't feel like it's real. But I'm sure it'll sink in eventually.

Peace out spring, it's really been nice knowing ya. Here's to an excellent summer. I just hope it lasts long enough for me to enjoy it, before I have to bid farewell to old Kentucky. I really love my life right now, in case it wasn't obvious. So, I'll close out with a quote that I really love from "Blessings for Graduates", a book someone gave me yesterday...

"It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are thoroughly alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger after them." -George Eliot

High School.

If anyone actually reads this, and you don't want to read something whiny today, you can just go ahead and skip this post. I've got some complaining to do, and I'm gonna do it.

I think when people say that high school is the best four years of your life, they're crazy. I mean, I guess for some people, the people who "peak" in high school, it could be. But if these have been the best four years of my life, I'm screwed. It's not like it's all been miserable, but I don't think I'd say that high school has been a cake walk for me.

The following is a list of some of the reasons high school sucks...bad:

The people. When I leave Greenwood High School behind forever, I really don't think I'll miss but, like, two people who go here. Yes, there are some people that don't absolutely make me want to throw up/cry/bang my head against a hard object, but really, I just haven't found that many people who I've wanted to build relationships with. The people I really focus on are people that go to my church, and stuff like that. Because, honestly, the people you meet in high school tend to be selfish, inconsiderate, annoying and sometimes just downright mean. I'll be honest, I'm not immune from being a typical high school student, with all the drama and boy trouble. But I really make an effort to rise above stuff that's childish and petty. I can't handle it, so I just try to set an example. It doesn't help, most of the time. But it's all fine and dandy, because I pick people in my life who make me a better version of me, and that's all that matters, in reality. That's why I don't think I'll miss the people who go to school here. Because, in leaving them behind, I leave all the crap that has followed me around the last four years. I know that leaving high school does not mean leaving behind drama altogether, but I'm getting rid of all the things that I've been dealing with from the same people for all of high school.

The boys, in general. Not only do the people here suck, the BOYS suck as well. You see, I want an extraordinary boy, and all the ones you meet in high school are ordinary. By ordinary, I mean immature. I know (because my mom tells me all the time) that boys never get better, just different. But, I think that if you find a man that things will get better. The guys you meet in high school are boys, and, really, they don't have much to offer. I mean, I've met a couple of boys that have the potential to be good, but I've just tried to avoid them altogether, because, there are more important things that I need to focus on than boys who are only gonna break my heart one day.

The classes. I can not wait, to go to college and pick what I want to study and stuff like that. I understand that I'll have to take the general education classes and stuff like that, but I mean when I really get into the last part of high school and I get to study classes for my career and stuff, I'll get to pick, and that's so exciting for me. I'm tired of having to take math and science classes to gain knowledge that I really don't think I'm gonna need later on. I mean, I'm tired of physics, and calculating the velocity. I have no idea why that will be useful later in life, and so I don't really see the point.

The homework. I think homework is so silly. I know, that's a typical thing to say. But seriously, I don't get it. WHY do we need to do work outside of school? We come to school for that mess, there's no reason to do it at home too. Honestly, homework doesn't help me at all. I understand that it's supposed to be an extension of you class work, but the homework that I have always seems to be an exact replica of what we do in class. So, if we do it in class why do we have to do it at home? I have MUCH better things to do in my time at home than the same things that I did at school.

I can think of so many more things, but I don't want to whine anymore, I want to try and change my attitude-- you know, make it a good one. So that's all I have to say about high school...for now. I'm just so glad that I'm almost done. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't. I just can't wait for the rest of my life, as corny as that sounds.

One bite at a time...

Stressful. That's the word I would use to describe my life of late. I literally have SO much to do. This is a list of the biggest things that are hanging over me.

1. Find a job
2. My AIM application
3. NOT fail physics
4. Write a ten page paper
5. Graduate high school

Yeah, it looks like a small list, but there are so many subcategories with those. I just feel like my head is spinning. But, the other day, my mom was talking about being stressed, and someone said to her "Just remember, you eat an elephant one bite at a time." This resonated with me so much, because I've been trying to accomplish everything all at once, and it doesn't work that way. I wish I could just get all of this done in one easy burst of effort, but it's looking like my life for the next month or so is gonna be a marathon and not a sprint. I'm holding onto all this stuff that I've got to do, and it ends up making me not want to do ANYTHING at all, because I'm so overwhelmed. That's not good, I guess I need to change my attitude, and make myself see that I can do all of these things if I break them down into smaller parts.

I suppose for the next month I'm just gonna have to remind myself of 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I need to fight this "fight" that is the last month of high school and all the "senioritis" that comes with it. I need to finish this race, that I'm now seeing as a marathon rather than a sprint, and I need to keep my faith. I'm gonna keep my faith in God, and my faith in my family and friends while they support me. I know I can do this, if I just put in the effort. I'm the litle engine that could... "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

In other news, I've got a senior banquet this Saturday night at church. It's gonna be so fun. We have dinner, cake, there's a slideshow of all my baby pictures, my mom gives me a "blessing" and best of all we get gifts! I know that shouldn't be what I'm most excited about, but, if we're being honest, I'm pretty pumped about that...the gifts are always really good...so yeah. I'm also really excited about the blessing that my mom is supposed to give. I know they're called blessings, but they basically always turn into a speech about how awesome that person's kid is. And I'm pretty awesome, so my mom shouldn't have any trouble coming up with a speech for me. ;) Just kidding, but really, I'm excited to see what she really thinks of me. Something that has been really stressful with all of that, though, is that my family cannot come. Like, basically it's just gonna be my mom, brother, and I. And, as much as I love them, it breaks my heart that none of them can be there. My family is so divided sometimes that it breaks me up inside. That's the biggest reason that, even if I do get a divorce someday (which I'm absolutely determinded not to let happen!) I'll make sure it's one where both families are friendly and can be around each other...you know, for our kids. Because separated familys really stink, I can tell you that much...


Alright, enough rambling about how stressful my life is...I'm gonna get to work now eating this elephant...one bite at a time. ;)