so, it's done...

So, tonight we filled out these lists saying where we'd like to go and who we'd like to go with. I'll be honest...I've been saying all along that I'm not worried about it, because God has my team and field already picked out. And that was true, to a certain point...

But honestly, deep down, I've been freaking out. I know, on a logical level that God already has this figured out and it doesn't matter what I want, but it's ok. Tonight was a relief for me, because I feel like I have officially relinquished any kind of control I had, and it's all in God's hands. It's a cool, but also scary feeling.

I know the time that lies between now and when we find out is going to really be a challenge for me, and it's going to stretch me and cause me to really "practice what I preach" and truly walk by faith.

Soooo, yeah. Short blog post, but I just wanted to write about this because it was such a big deal.

Also, I just wanted to add in this picture of me from Wal Mart the other night. I have a hurt foot, so walking has been really rough for me. So, I got a wheelchair from Wal Mart. Yes, I acted like I was a thug. Yes, I'm 18 years old and should be more mature. I know, OK? ;)

Ask Me Why I Love My Church...

I recently bought a t shirt that says "Ask Me Why I Love My Church" on it, with the words Alvaton Church of Christ printed underneath it. I'm so excited to get this shirt in the mail and to wear it, and hopefully someone will ask me, so that I can tell them all about the church family God has blessed me with, and the reasons that I love them all so dearly. So, since I've been all about making lists and talking about things I love on my blog, I think I'd like to try and do it differently this time…but hey, it may still turn out the same…we'll see.

Let me start off by saying that I'm so proud to call myself a part of the Alvaton family. Especially being far away form them, and seeing what they do from the outside, and looking at other churches. I'm so proud of the way they're constantly reaching out to the Alvaton community. I'm proud of the way they accept visitors, and the way they just love people.

I haven't had a life that's been super easy for me. I don't want to give a whole sob story, but I do struggle with depression and other things, and also circumstantial things that have happened that have been really hard on me. And I've struggled with feeling like neither of my parents loved me or were really there for me…and it caused me to end up replacing that position in my life. (Now, my relationships with both of them are much better, and I don't feel that way anymore…I'm not trying to embarrass them by saying all that, just trying to be honest.) There are so many people at Alvaton who I feel like have had an equal part in raising me that my parents did, even though some of them didn't even come into my life until I was older.

When my life was in shambles, or I felt like the world was falling down around me, it was scary. Nothing felt consistent, it didn't feel like I could really count on anything…but I look back and realize how tightly I was clinging to my family at Alvaton. Even when it didn't seem like it, because I was always angry, or didn't really want to talk to people, I was holding on with all my might. Alvaton is the place, and the people, who have always been consistenly there for me.

I'm grateful to have been blessed with a youth group full of people who became my best friends, and ultimately, the only friends I knew I could count on all throughout high school. I was blessed to be part of a group that never shied away from topics that would generally make you a little (or a lot) uncomfortable. I'm someone who doesn't find much of anything an awkward topic. Things just don't make me feel weird, or uncomfortable. And I never felt like, when we were at youth group stuff, people judged me for that, as I feel they do now sometimes. I guess going through Dateable with your youth minister makes everything seem less awkward by comparison. I love it, though! (Funny story about Dateable-- it's a book about dating, and so of course it's going to cover sexual sin…so from the beginning Ryan warned us that we were going to have a "sex talk" at some point. So, I had some friends in marching band with me that I'd been trying to work on, and get to come to church with me. And then finally, one Thursday night, I convinced them to come to TNT with me. Well, we get there, and Ryan announces that it's the night we're going to have our talk. I was really afraid that they were gonna think it was super uncomfortable and never come back again. But they didn't. They ended up loving it, and coming back to TNT with me every Thursday night. My youth minister is cool enough to not make people feel awkward about sex…)

I'm so thankful for the supporters I have at Alvaton. When I started trying to raise support, I was shocked by how generous people were. It was like, anything someone could do, they wanted to do it. People gave me money, they gave me TONS of stuff to sell in a yard sale, I was surprised by how much people just gave to me. And even when people can't support me through money, they still gave whatever they could to me. I received so much love from people, and people were praying for me all the time, because they keep telling me that they are and giving me encouragement. I appreciated it so much, the things that they did for me. It's humbling. Because, as hard as I try, it's hard not for me to think of myself as a "missionary" with a little tinge of pride. But to have so many people supporting me, praying for me, loving me…it makes me feel so humble, and gives me even more of a drive to succeed.

Over all, I’m so proud to be a member of the body of God loving Christians at Alvaton, and I don't think I'll ever stop being proud of them, or claiming them as my own. No matte where else I go in life.

I think that's what I'm most grateful for…knowing that I'll always have a place to go back to where I'll be welcome, no matter how far away I move, or whatever I end up deciding to go with my life  after AIM…they'll always accept me and love me just as much as they do now, and I'll always feel the same about them.

If you're from Alvaton, and you're reading this…I love you!

The Paducah Trip and Other Exciting Adventures

Guys...the AIMers just got back from our trip to Paducah! It was a crazy, hectic, stressful, exhausting trip. I had a blast! So, this trip had several different parts, so I think the most fun way to do it would be to break it up by days...at least, the most fun way for me.

Sooo...

Day One (Thursday #1)

The first day of our trip was a really long day, driving wise. We left home at 4am, and drove for what seemed like forever. (The plus side of this day was that I hadn't slept much the night before so I basically slept straight through it.) For dinner that night (I know, crazy long jump...but like I said, I was asleep most of the time.) We went to a place called Lambert's. And it was freaking awesome. That's the only way I know how to describe it. They gave us sooooo much food. I got the catfish, and it was probably the best catfish I've ever eaten. For real. Lambert's is famous for the fact that they deliver your rolls to your table by throwing them to you. Basically what happens is that a guy walks out with a cart full of rolls, and you hold your hands up and he throws them to you. Since I don't eat bread, I didn't actually catch a roll, but it was a lot of fun to watch everyone else try and catch their rolls.

After dinner, we headed to this church, where we were going to spend the night. We get there, and we're all getting ready to take showers and such. There was only one shower for the girls and one shower for the boys. Which was cool, because we don't like to complain... ;) But anyway, I was one of the first few to call dibs on a shower, simply because I really wanted to wash the day of travel off of me. So, I go to get in the shower, I walk in the room where the shower is, turn the shower on, walk out to throw something away, and when I try to get back in, I discover that the door is locked. So I go and get one of the AIM assistants, and he literally tries to take the door off its hinges. But the door won't budge. So we end up having to call the guy who let us into the church originally to bring the key to the bathroom door. Needless to say, by the time he drove all the way back across town to bring us the key, my shower was freezing cold and so was everyone who went after me...oops.

Day Two (Friday #1)

The second day of the trip was a lot of fun. We traveled in the morning, until about lunch. Around lunch time, we got to St Louis. We pulled up and they let us out at the arch, and told us what time to be back. A group of us decided that we didn't want fast food, so we went on an adventure to find the spaghetti factory! It was so fun to eat there, I hadn't been in a long time, and it's definitely one of my favorite restaurants. A little bit of a splurge, but it was so so worth it. When we got to the restaurant and sat down, we noticed that Kris, Pat, and the other assistants who were on the trip were at a table across the restaurant. Lacy and I immediately texted Kris and Pat and said "We see you!" to which Pat replied "We couldn't escape!!!" haha. We thought about several different things we could do that would be silly, but we ended up deciding to have one piece of mud pie with two forks delivered to Kris and Pat, from their secret admirers. Obviously they knew it was us, but it was still fun to do something like that.

After lunch we got back on the bus and finished the trip to Paducah. When we got to the Lone Oak Church of Christ, we ate dinner with them, and then found out who our host families were. Ashlie and I stayed with the nicest lady. Her name was Ruby, and she's a real sweetheart. I really enjoyed talking and laughing with her every night.

Day Three (Saturday)

So, day three...Saturday. Saturday morning, we got to the church, and Kris announced that we'd be spending the morning sightseeing in Paducah, and then also going to Metropolis, IL to look around there (hello, Superman...). We went down to the waterfront, and looked at all the murals that they have painted on their floodwalls. It was so neat to see the way that people have taken pieces of their town history and documented it in such a cool way. I really enjoyed that. Then, we went to Metropolis, which was really cool. There's this big statue of Superman, and all this other cool Superman stuff, and then a store with basically anything superhero you could imagine. Luckily, I left my wallet on the bus, so I couldn't really buy anything.

When we got back to the church from Metropolis, it was time to start setting up for the community fish fry that the church would be having that night. It was fun to do service work, and serve others. That's probably my favorite thing to do. When it came time for the fish fry to start, we just started serving people food. There were soooo many people, and so much fish. I don't think I've ever seen so much fish in my life, for real. It was fun to serve others, but it was soooo nice to sit down and eat as well. :)

Day Four (Sunday)

Sunday was a really fun day...we went to church in the morning, of course. We went to the high school class, which Pat taught. I really enjoyed his class, and talking about defining ourselves by the fact that we're children of God, and not letting our worldly views define us. In the actual church part of it, we went in and sat down. I sat with three of the friendliest ladies I've ever met. (Ok, I've gotta go off on a little bit of a tangent for a second. When I came to AIM and went to Denver City for the first time, it was super hard for me to find people to sit with, and it was difficult for me to feel comfortable. But I didn't feel that way at all when I sat down with these ladies...proof that I'm growing? I'd like to think so!) Kris was the one who gave the sermon this morning. He talked about AIM and missions in general. Then he called all of us to come up on stage, had us answer some questions, and then we sang Do Not Fear. People in the audience started crying, and Megan, a girl in our class who's from Lone Oak started crying, and it really reminded me of my last Sunday at Alvaton, when they called me up front and prayed for me and all this other stuff. So then I started crying, which made me feel silly, so I tried to hide it...yeah.

Lunch was a potluck...since I came to AIM potlucks are my best friends. For real, that's the only way I ever eat anything that's good for me...so lunch was obviously good.

Sunday afternoon we all broke off into groups and spent time with our host families. It was fun to just hang out with Ruby and Ashlie. We went and walked around downtown, and then went to Coldstone and got ice cream. Yum!

Sunday evening we went and worshipped in Murray, Kentucky at the Glendale Rd Church of Christ. It was their singing night, and the song leader is a man who used to lead singing at Lone Oak. He just recently found out that he has a very aggressive form of ALS, and he's not really expected to live much longer. So, for a lot of people, this was their last time to really worship with him (until Heaven!) so it was kind of emotional for them. I know I'm getting off topic, but if you could keep him in your prayers (I feel bad, I totally forgot his name!) that would be great! For dinner we had Culvers. It was the first time I had Culvers in over two months, so I was pretty happy! :)

Day Five (Monday)

Monday wasn't a good day for me. Being in Kentucky was making me really homesick, and I was missing my mom, and it was leading me to be in a really bad mood, and be really sensitive. I basically just tried (unsuccessfully) not to cry all day. I guess I was feeling isolated, and it wasn't anyone's fault, I was just sensitive and things were hurting my feelings and stuff like that...nbd.

But anyway, Monday morning we had class. We had two different classes. One was taught by a man named Richard, and he talked to us about life, and his experiences, some that were pretty heartbreaking, and he also told us about making brooms. It was cool to hear his story, because he told us about his daughter, and how she told him she was gonna do this "mission thing" in Lubbock, TX, but that she never told him what it was called or anything like that. Well, then his daughter was killed (I think in a car crash?) and he never thought of that conversation again until he heard we were coming. The AIM world is a small place...

Then, we heard a lesson from a man named Mike who's basically a genius (if you've heard him speak before, you know what I'm talking about). He talked to us about this Bible study method that we can use with people when we study with them on the field. I think that it's gonna be really helpful information to have.

In the afternoon on Monday we all split into different groups and did different service projects. Because I have a hurt foot and really am not supposed to move around a whole lot, I did some data entries for the church. I made a database of all the people who had come to the fish fry and filled out one of the cards they gave out. It was cool to see all the little town names around the Paducah area. Word really spread.

Monday night we worked with the church's benevolence program. They prepared a dinner, and we were split into groups and assigned different jobs. Some people got to serve dinner, some got to take prayer requests and pray with people, and some of us were told to basically just hang out in the Lobby of the church and talk to people. I'm gonna go off on a bit of a tangent here (surprise, right?) and talk about this congregation and how impressed I was by them. I don't think I've ever been to a church that was more dedicated to helping people, or helping each other. This church is really a body full of servants. It was so impressive to see how they just want to serve others, and glorify God with everything they have. The AIMers went to serve, and we did serve, but I felt as if I was being served by the people there more than I was serving them, even. They're all so open and friendly, and unified. It was really just way cool.

Day Six (Tuesday)

Tuesday morning we had class with Mike again. Yay! Then, after lunch (which was BBQ nachos, by the way) everyone got ready to travel to Western Kentucky Bible Camp, but I didn't go with them, because my mommy came and got me and took me home with her! It was so nice to spend 2.5 hours with my mom just doing nothing but talking and catching up. I really had missed her.

I had planned to go home, and then go to Stakz with the Heltons. I hadn't told anyone but my mom, dad, and them that I was coming into town a day before I had originally planned, because I figured it would be nice to just spend time with them, or surprise people if I got the chance. Well, I ended up getting into town early enough to get my mom to drop me by marching band. It was so much fun to surprise Mitch. He look so excited, and it made me happy.

Then, I got to Stakz about 20 minutes early, which was cool. I was planning on just sitting and waiting...you know, spending some alone time. But, as I'm walking in, I looked up and saw Bailey standing at the counter. She turned around and saw me and screamed soooo loud, then ran across the room and gave me a hug. It cracked me up how quiet everyone got. Then, I had fro yo with Ryan and Melinda, we just caught up and stuff. :)

So I had some free time and decided that it would be fun to go surprise Abby. (In case no one could tell I really love surprising people...) And it was. She was in the middle of writing a college essay, but she took some time out of it to talk to me. It was well timed, because it gave me a chance to tell her that she should consider AIM rather than college... ;)

Day Seven (Wednesday)

Wednesday morning my mom and I got up and went shopping. We bought some clothes and shoes for me for the winter. Then we went out for Chinese food, which was awesome. So so good. I'd missed it!

Wednesday night was so much fun, because it was when all the AIMers came to Alvaton. I got to church early, and hung out with Melinda and Elsie, and all the youth group kids as they got there. So that was nice. Then, when all the AIMers got there, it was fun to watch them start building relationships with church members. I looooooved getting to see all my friends and family. It really gave me a reminder of who I am, and where I've come from... (I'm gonna write a post all about Alvaton and how much the people there mean to me really soon!)

After church the three girls who stayed with me and I went to GADS and hung out with my dad for awhile, and that was fun. Then we went back to my mom's house and played a board game, which was also fun! I'd really missed playing games with my mom, since that was always kind of one of our things. Game nights are seriously deals at the Hockman household, y'all.

Day Eight (Thursday #2)

Thursday was just another long travel day. We traveled all the way from Bowling Green to East Texas. We stayed in a barn on this familie's farm. Some of the girls slept in an RV while the rest of us slept in their attic. It was fun to sleep there and get to know that family.

Day Nine (Friday #2)

Friday wasn't really that eventful at all. We got up in the morning, got on the bus and drove all the way home. Then, we were back and I was way more happy than I would have expected to be. I think I'm starting to love Lubbock...uh oh.

Other adventures...

We started new classes, and I think I'm gonna really like this term. Also, we've been having more field presentations lately, and I think it's really awesome and I'm enjoying it. So far, my favorite has been the presentation for Sucre, Bolivia...but I'm still not sure yet. It doesn't matter, though! God is gonna send me where He wants.

Also....I LED MY VERY FIRST SMALL GROUP LAST NIGHT. It was totally nerve wracking, and I thought I was gonna die for sure. But I didn't, so that's exciting. I think it'll be much easier next time. :)

Now, I have a trip to pack for, because tomorrow we leave for OCU, we're going to the World Mission Workshop. I'm pretty excited, but I'm also sort of dreading it, since I'm so exhausted.

Alright, I gotta jet. So much to do!

Kentucky

So, I’ve been going through some really tough stuff the last few days. And it's causing me to really miss home, and miss my friends and family there. I miss things that I never thought I would miss. Or, wouldn’t have expected to miss this much.

I miss marching band. I knew I would miss marching band, I did. But every Saturday when I see people post about their competition and how good they did or didn’t do, I find myself really missing it. I really miss the performance aspect of it. There’s something about getting in front of a crowd and playing something that you’ve worked really hard on, and getting to hear them cheer for you. It’s an adrenaline rush, for sure. I miss the way I felt whenever the crowd cheered when we did something cool. I miss the marimba that I played, and I don’t even care if that sounds weird. I miss the bus rides, when we would all hang out and just spend time together talking, laughing, and being silly. I miss the prayer that Mr. Morrison would say before we went out and performed. Most of all, though, I miss playing music on such a regular basis. I miss the learning process, and how you’re never good enough to just stop working on a particular part of the music. I even miss the frustrations that came with learning music, because the reward when I finally figured out a part was so great. I miss my marching band family a lot.

I miss Mitch and Kaitlin…I miss all of our silly times. I miss doing stupid things, and them laughing at me for it. I knew they were never really laughing at me out of meanness, but because they thought I was being funny. I miss Mitch’s peeled banana colored hair, and how soft it is. I miss hugging Kaitlin, because she couldn’t stand it. I miss having Mrs. Laughter and Mr. Moore with Kaitlin. I miss lunch time and how much we all laughed. I miss whenever Kaitlin would make me laugh so hard that my legs would give out, because she’s just that funny. I miss free days in band, just sitting with the two of them and being silly. I miss them so much it makes me wanna cry sometimes. It’s those times that I’m grateful for our group messages, and being able to talk to both of them at the same time.

I miss GADS. The donuts in Lubbock aren’t even close to matching up, even though there’s a Krispy Kreme here. GADS > all other donuts in the world. I really miss “Donuts after Dark” with Taylor…and everyone else. GADS is definitely the best in the middle of the night.

I miss trees. Especially right now, when the leaves are starting to change. I miss being able to look at all of them as they changed and marveling at God’s complexity. I miss green in general. Lubbock doesn’t have very much of that. And, yes, there is a certain beauty of it all, because there is so much sky, and the vastness is incredible. But, I miss my KY and how green everything is.

Ok, confession time…I sometimes miss how humid Kentucky can be. Texas is so dry, which isn’t always a bad thing, but I’m seriously thirsty all the time. Also, I’m quickly developing a chap stick addiction like nobody’s business. My lips, skin, mouth, scalp, hands and feet are all so so so dry right now. I constantly feel like I need lotion. Ok, that’s all I have to say about missing humidity.

I miss Alvaton. I miss listening to Richard Perry speak on Wednesdays. I miss his lessons, and how he always tells a story and then connects it to something spiritual. He’s so relatable. I miss Randy Well’s preaching and how I always learn so much when I listen to him. I miss Ryan and Melinda. SOOO much. I always knew they were two of the biggest influences and supporters in my life, but now more than ever I realize how much they’ve meant to me over the last four years. I miss Elsie. If I talk more about that I’ll cry or something. But I do miss that girl. So much. I miss Abby, and our Team Cray good times, our Kroger runs and drunk guys giving us advice on which socks to buy. All I have to say is: Talaypot FOREVER. I miss Angel Ann, and how she was such a good listener, and how talking things out with her could always make me feel better. I miss Sydney, and I miss sitting by her every Wednesday night. Her smile always brightens my day. I miss Justin, Arkadiy, Ruslan, Andrew and Ethan and the languages and different words they all made up. I miss Taylor and Taylor (or Morgan) and how we never knew who was getting talked to. I miss so much about church, and youth group, and everything else, that I could do a whole blog post on that by itself. (Hey, I just wanna throw in here that if you read this, and you wanna pray for my youth group and all the people in it that would be awesome and really helpful!)

I miss my dad. The distance between Texas and Kentucky has made us closer, so I’m anxious to see him in person and hang out.

I miss my little brother. I  miss how much I would get on his nerves by trying to talk to him when he was playing video games, but then as soon as I started watching something on Netflix or doing something else, he wanted to talk. That kid is crazy. I miss being silly with him, and hanging out. Going to Wal Mart, or just going for a drive. I just miss my little brother, and it’s weird that he’s not so little anymore.

I miss my momma. A lot. Notice how that’s bold, underlined, and italicized? That’s because my momma is one of my best friends in the whole world, and I miss being around her all the time. I miss running errands with her. That was always our time together, since Gabe never wanted to go. It wasn’t like we ever did anything special during those times, but there was just something really enjoyable about going out and about with my momma, getting to just talk and relax. I’ve especially missed her since all of the fall tv shows have come out. I miss spending weeknights watching Dancing With The Stars, and The X Factor with her. I miss talking about who we liked and didn’t like, criticizing and complementing how each performance was. I mostly just miss talking to her. Sitting down and having a conversation with her about what was going on in life, my past, her past, the future. Everything.

I guess homesickness is setting in, and it’s been hard for me to deal with. I’m just glad that we’ll be in Kentucky in a couple weeks, and I’ll get to see my mom! Yay! I love Kentucky, and it’s my home. The place of my childhood, and, for now, the place that holds my heart. I love it, I love its people. I’m gonna cry if I write more. But I just wanted to share some of my homesickness, and talk about how much I miss everything.

Memories

Today, in our girl’s public speaking class, which we lovingly call Women’s Rebellion, I had to give a speech. About myself. I talked about something that I hadn’t really thought of in a long time before I sat down to write the speech. I really liked remembering it, so I think I’ll blog about it. Here we goooo…

"So, as most of you know, my name is Taylor. And writing this speech was really hard for me. I don’t feel like I’m very good with words, at least not writing them, and I don’t really like to get up and talk about myself. I knew that I could get up, and tell you that I was born on March 22, 1995…that my parents are Bryan and Aimee Hockman, and that my little brother’s name is Gabe.

These are all true, and very important facts about me. But I’d rather talk about a memory that’s been weighing on my heart and mind the last couple of days. It’s a lesson that I learned a few years ago that means a lot to me, and I’d like to share it, so I’ll start with the back story…

When I was in 5^th grade, I went to a Barlow Girl concert. I was completely awestruck by how cool I thought they were. I was especially enthralled by the drummer. I decided then and there that someday, I would be a drummer. The only problem with that was that, in Bowling Green, you start band in the 6^th grade. And I went to a private elementary school that was too small to have a band.

I wasn’t ready to let go of my dream of becoming a drummer, though, so when middle school came around, I asked to be put in band. One the first day of school, when I came into band class, my band director told me I was going to be playing the bells. I hated it. A lot. I had to watch all the other people in my section get to play the drums, while I was stuck on this thing I didn’t want to play. So I basically refused to learn or even try to play it.

Over time, band became just a class that I had to go to, and it was my least favorite part of my day.

I continued to do band all through middle school, fully intending to quit when I got to high school. But, for whatever reason, when the day of marching band sign ups came, I found myself checking the little “Yes” box.

When I showed up for the first day of band camp, I found out that I was in something called front ensemble and, horror of horrors, I would be playing the bells. Needless to say, I was bitter, and starting to doubt that my dream of ever becoming a drummer would ever come true. And, since I’d basically refused to play or even try to learn in middle school, I was terrible. But, over time, as I learned more, I began to fall in love with melodic percussion.

When sophomore year rolled around, I got put on bells again. But, this time I wasn’t so upset about it. But, I still wasn’t very good. When it came time for indoor drumline, I was the only one from my high school’s percussion section that signed up to do front ensemble. Eventually, after the process of try outs was over, I was told I’d be playing marimba. I don’t really know how to compare marimba and bells, but I’ll tell you this: it was hard, and I thought I was in way over my head.

I remember going home after practice mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I was trying so hard that it was draining me. I remember crying to my mom about how bad my hands hurt, and how overwhelmed I felt by all of it. I remember so clearly the day she sat me down and said “Listen to me. You can do it. You just have to take it one note at a time.” At the time, I thought it was a flippant suggestion, so I just brushed it off. But I never told her how many times her words came back to me. Not only over the course of that season, but the rest of my life as well.

I eventually learned every single note of that show, and I tried my best to play it well. That season, and all the music seasons that followed, taught me something about myself that I’ve tried to remember whenever my life has been difficult, or I’ve gone through trying times.

What I learned was this: I don’t like to give up. I’m a fighter. When I’m faced with a challenge, or even when I just feel like someone doesn’t believe in me, I’m immediately obsessed with proving to myself, and everyone else, that I can do whatever it is. That I can conquer whatever is set before me.

That revelation has been incredibly helpful over the last 3 years, through the trials of growing up, moving out, leaving all my friends and family, and coming to AIM. It’s super comforting, knowing that I can overcome anything that’s hard for me, as long as I take it one step—one note—at a time."

WHOA

So, I haven't blogged in forever...well, it really hasn't been forever, but SO SO SO much has happened since then that it feels like it's been forever. So here's an update, or something like that...

So, I left Bowling Green. Which was really hard for me. Like, really hard. My mom and the lovely Abby Potter (otherwise known as A-Pot) threw me a going away party. Basically, we had cake and drinks after church. Then the adults left, and then youth group people (and Ryan, of course) stayed and played Wink and Do You Love Your Neighbor, which we hadn't played in a really long time. It was a really awesome way to officially end my time with the Alvaton Youth Group. So here are some photographic gems from that party...

The lovely A-Pot. I really miss this girl. Too much.

The Taylors. Both Taylor C. and I graduated this year, so we're leaving Taylor E. all to herself in the youth group. I'm sure it will be weird for her to know people are talking to her when they say Taylor. No more confusion yay, haha.

My favorite "Future AIMer"

I miss her way more than I can explain.

This wasn't part of my going away party, because it was taken the next day when I went out to lunch with Ryan and Melinda. But, it was part of my goodbyes so there's that. Also, I think this picture is very precious, matching sunglasses and all.

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My mom and I left Tuesday morning to make the 17 hour drive from Bowling Green to Lubbock. It was tons of fun to take that trip with her, and I love that we got to chance to spend time together like that. I only have one picture from that trip, oddly. It's from the last day of driving.

We were driving through Texas, and there were all these windmills. I'd seen windmills before, but they were the kind that they have in Holland or something, so they're all colorful and they almost look fake. But I'd never seen this many in one place. For miles and miles and miles this was all there was. I don't know, I thought it was neat.

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So, then I moved into my apartment, met my roomates and stuff like that. I'm sharing an apartment with three other girls. Savannah, Amanda, and Tanya. I'm sharing a room with Tanya. So far, I really love them. They make me laugh and we've had a really good time together.

Apartment 10C whatwhat.

Tanya is loads of fun.

I still have pictures left to add to my bulletin board, but other than that, this is my room area thing.

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Ok, now that we're up to date, I just wanna write about my feelings or something like that. This morning at church, someone asked me how it felt to be an AIMer...it took me a minute to process...I'm an AIMer. It feels so surreal. Like, I can't believe that this time has come, and I also can't believe that I feel this many different things about it all.

 

Kris asked us to sum up in one word how we feel about all of this...I don't think that I could even really sum it up in a sentence. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this many things all at once. I feel anxious, and nervous, of course. But also, I feel so incredibly blessed. I can't believe I get to be a part of something so out of this world awesome. I feel so happy. Freaked. Pumped. Ready. Excited. Insane. Overwhelmed. In complete disbelief.

Soooo, I guess my word would have been anxiousnervousblessedhappyfreakedpumpedreadyexcitedinsaneoverwhelmeddisbelief.

So basically I'm just soooo out of this world excited. I've closed the chapter of my life that was Bowling Green...it will always hold a special place in my heart, and there are people there who will definitely always be a part of my life. But it's time for me to move on.

It's time for me to get on with writing the rest of my story...well, let God write the rest of my story.

Basically I'm just waiting for all of this to feel real. Someone pinch me. Ok, don't really.

My Church Family is Awesome :)

At the end of each sermon/lesson at church, there's always an invitation given. Which basically means that whoever spoke encourages whomever to come forward if they need prayers, or want to be baptized.

On Wednesday nights at Alvaton, this man always speaks and gives the lesson. I love the way he gives lessons. He always takes a story from something he's seen/heard/saw/experienced. He always tells this story, and draws this spiritual connection, and they all really stick with me. Well, this last week, on Wednesday night, he told a story about when his daughter was little. He talked about how they bought a swingset with a slide to put in their yard.

The first time she went up to the ladder, she looked up, got really scared, and asked him to lift her up to the top. So he did, then he went around to the front of the slide, and then he held onto her as she slid down, because she was so scared. This went on, each time giving her more freedom, because she got less and less scared. Eventually, she told him to get out of the way, and she slid down by herself.

While I listened to this, I was thinking about how growing up, I've always felt scared to do things on my own. I always wanted to have a friend with me when I went places, and things like that. And I thought about how crazy it is that I'm going to AIM. I thought about how gaining courage has really been a bunch of baby steps for me. There have been times in my life when I've needed people to hold me, and times when I've needed people to hold my hands. But, doing this, going to AIM, is like letting go of all of the people who have done that for me.

Now, it's not like they're just going away for good, just that I'm leaving all of them behind. I'm not gonna have them there to hold my hand, or carry me. It's time for me to be a big girl (or "adult" as some people like to say) and do something on my own.

When the invitation was given, I decided that tonight was the right time for me to go forward and ask for prayers about AIM. I had decided a couple weeks ago that I was gonna, I just hadn't decided when yet. But the story really resonated with me, and it really hit me in a big way how soon it is that I'm leaving. I was sitting by Ryan and Melinda, so I had to get across them and go to the front.

Here's something that I really, really love about my youth group: when one of us goes forward, everyone goes with them. It's a really nice feeling, not being alone when you go forward. When you do, you feel really vulnerable, and having all of them with you makes you feel loved, and supported. Anyways. I went up and sat down and Ryan sat down beside me, and Taylor/Morgan sat down on the other side of me. Ryan asked what was going on and talked to me a little bit about AIM and all the things I was nervous about, etc. When Ryan got up to tell everyone what was going on, Justin sat down on the other side of me.

After Ryan got done telling people what I had come forward for, they all prayed for me, and then came and gave me hugs. It's so nice to feel so much love and support.

This one man, Darryl, said to me "I know you, and how you are. If you can't do this, then no one can." And that just meant so much to me, because I like to think of myself as a fighter, and it made me feel really good to have someone else say it, too.

I just really love the church family that God gave me to grow up with, and I'm never going to stop being grateful to them for being good Christian examples, for loving me, and for being the one and only constant that I had, at a lot of times. I each and every one of them very much, and leaving them is going to be the hardest of all. I'm so glad to know that they all support me, and have got my back.

God is good, and I'm so glad that He takes care of me. :) I'm just feeling really good.

(Oh, on a really happy note: A friend of mine got baptized tonight! Yay!)

Well, That Was Easy

Today was the day: moving day. We moved all of our storage stuff yesterday, which took forever. I was definitely expecting today to be even more stressful. This morning I woke up around 6:30. I took a shower, and you know, did general “get ready” type things, which is all fine and dandy. Then at 7:30 I left my house to pick up my friend Arkadiy, who lives waaay out. When I finally got to his house around 8:15, my mom called and told me that everyone had come to the house by 8 to help out, and that they were “flying” through everything, and to hurry up and get there. By the time I got to my house, everything was almost done. All of our furniture and basically all of our boxes were loaded. In fact, I don’t think I personally loaded anything…oops. The people we had helping us worked so hard, that we had our entire house, furniture and all in a matter of 45 minutes! That’s insane, seeing as it took us five hours just to do our garage yesterday.

Towards the beginning of this week, when we were just finding out that we were going to be moving this weekend, we figured out that we were gonna need to ask some people to help us out. We have really heavy furniture, and mom, Gabe, and I weren’t gonna be able to lift it all by ourselves. So I asked around, and mom asked around, and we found some people to help us out. Actually, we found a lot of people to help us out. That’s why it went so quickly. Also, even more people met us at Potter to help out than had been at our house. So we were totally set, and it took us a total of two hours, including travel time, to get everything loaded up. It’s craziness. That’s the easiest move we’ve ever had, for sure. So, not only did we finish everything in two hours, we’ve also got half of the house unpacked now. Everything is running so smoothly that I feel like there must be a catch…

That’s not the most exciting thing that has happened recently, though. Yesterday, when I checked the mail, I got my acceptance letter to AIM. I cannot explain how happy that made me. I mean, it’s been my plan to go all along, but now it’s official. I was actually emailing the AIM secretary earlier on this week about something, and she told me that she’d gotten all my stuff in finally about a week before that, and that my acceptance letter was in the mail. I was sooo pumped when I got that email. I took a screenshot, of course. And called my mom, but she was busy, so I texted Ryan. I was just so happy that I had to tell someone. Now I just have to go at raising support with a vengeance. If anyone out there in the blogosphere wants to hook me up with some money I’d be eternally grateful to you. ;)

I’m exhausted from moving this morning, and I really wish I could take a nap…but I have to be at the church to work on some VBS stuff, because that starts tomorrow. YAY! VBS at Alvaton is one of my favorite things…we always have a few nights of VBS which is lots of fun, singing and learning and all that, but then on July 4^th we have our annual fireworks show, and it’s pretty much the best in Bowling Green. Last year we were even on the news. Ha. I really love my church and there is nothing I love more than spending time with my family there. I’m gonna miss them more than anything in the whole world. It seriously kills me that I have to leave them.

That’s all I have time to write for now, so I guess that’s that. <3