A Beautiful Night

Oh my! What an incredible night this has been! Seriously, I know this is going to be a night that I'll remember forever.

Tonight, they announced our teams & fields. It was seriously one of the most exciting things I've ever experienced. It felt like this was the moment we'd all been waiting for.

The way the team announcement process works is this: an assistant calls out a group of names, that group of people goes back into Kris' office, and when you go in, you sit down and he tells you "You're officially Team ____" and then says some other things to us about the field, this missionary, etc. And then (this was the COOLEST part) you leave his office and walk out, and all the assistants are standing on either side cheering, and you walk into the AIM classroom and all the AIMers are cheering for you, and you go up on stage and announce where you're going, and then everyone goes crazy and cheers for you and it's seriously the most awesome feeling.

So tonight, I got to announce to all of my classmates that I, along with my friends Lacy, Melanie, and Jenna will be going to serve God in Miami, Florida starting in May. I could not be happier about this. Our team dynamic is so good, and I seriously think we're all going to work really well together. There's a little bit of each "personality type" in each of us. I can see how that's going to make us all work really well and get along really well.

But yeah, my teammates are beautiful girls with beautiful souls, and Miami is going to be a beautiful place filled with love and happiness. (Not that I'm under the impression that everything is going to be perfect by any means...I just have a feeling I'm really gonna fall in love with it there)

Miami here we comeeee!

I LOVE WINTER...sometimes.

Oh my. Is it December already?! That's insane! Seriously. I can't believe it. It really feels like it was yesterday when I graduated high school. But it was, like, 6 months ago. WHAT?! I feel like time is seriously flying by and getting away from me. I just want it to slow down a little bit.

But, that's not what I wanted to blog about. I wanted to talk about the fact that it snowed today! Ahhh. I LOVE the snow. It just holds so many happy memories for me, as a kid.

Being pulled behind a big church van on a sled in an icy parking lot one night...sledding the one Christmas I can remember having snow on with my dad and brother, sledding with my brother and friend on a tube that you use for tubing in the lake. Playing in the snow every day for a week when I lived across the street from one of my best friends in middle school.

There are just so many things that I associate with snow, that don't even necessarily have to do with snow. Christmas, my mom's hot chocolate, and so many other things. For me, snow is the proof that it's the holiday season. It's the proof that Christmas is coming soon. Snow makes everything look fresh and new. It makes the world look brighter, even if there's no sunshine. I just really love the snow.

And, today it didn't really "snow" all that much, it was more ice. But it was white, and the ground is white so I'm making an executive decision...it counts. Today was a snow day.

Ok, I realize that I just rambled on about how awesome the snow is. But, today has just put me in a really good mood. Not only because of the snow but also because we got to come home early, and that meant that I got to take care of some things that I wanted to take care of without it being rushed or stressful. (Including but not limited to cleaning my room.)

Ok, that's all.

so, it's done...

So, tonight we filled out these lists saying where we'd like to go and who we'd like to go with. I'll be honest...I've been saying all along that I'm not worried about it, because God has my team and field already picked out. And that was true, to a certain point...

But honestly, deep down, I've been freaking out. I know, on a logical level that God already has this figured out and it doesn't matter what I want, but it's ok. Tonight was a relief for me, because I feel like I have officially relinquished any kind of control I had, and it's all in God's hands. It's a cool, but also scary feeling.

I know the time that lies between now and when we find out is going to really be a challenge for me, and it's going to stretch me and cause me to really "practice what I preach" and truly walk by faith.

Soooo, yeah. Short blog post, but I just wanted to write about this because it was such a big deal.

Also, I just wanted to add in this picture of me from Wal Mart the other night. I have a hurt foot, so walking has been really rough for me. So, I got a wheelchair from Wal Mart. Yes, I acted like I was a thug. Yes, I'm 18 years old and should be more mature. I know, OK? ;)

I love...

So, the other day, I wrote about how homesick I've been feeling. And it's true, I miss my Kentucky home, and all my family there. But, at the same time, this is my new home. It's kind of interesting, having two homes. I miss my friends and family in Kentucky. But, at the same time, this new place and my friends and family here hold my heart, too. So, I want to take some time to share about my new friends and family here and the things that I actually love about Lubbock.

I love how blue the sky is. I love the way, when we're driving to Denver City on Sundays, I can look out the car window and see so far in either direction. The sky is  everywhere I look. I think it's so cool that, initially thought everything here was super ugly, but now I'm starting to see the beauty.

I've loved my classes. I really loved learning from the intelligent, God loving me that are my teachers. It's crazy to me that they're not really just teachers. I know that they all genuinely care about me, and want to see me succeed. It's a nice feeling.

I love that my entire belief system was basically torn down and is now being rebuilt. It's not like I'm not relearning some things that I already knew before, I am. But one some things I'm gaining brand new knowledge and on others my perspective is totally being changed. I'm thinking and studying the Bible in ways that I never have before.

I love love love how real Jesus has become to me. I love God, and I've always been really grateful for Jesus dying for me, but I'd never really thought of Jesus as a person. I knew, on an intellectual level, that at one point he was a man who walked on the Earth. But I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus was a living, breathing man, and how he had feelings, thoughts, and temptations. I'd never really thought about the fact that Jesus got his feelings hurt sometimes. The same way that it hurts me when someone says something to me that's kind of mean, Jesus wasn't immune to that. It wasn't like Jesus was made of stone, he got his feelings hurt, and felt bad when people treated him poorly. Because I see Jesus in this new light, it's been easier for me to develop a more serious relationship with him, and God as well.

I love that I've made so many new friends. High school ended pretty crappy socially, for me, at least. I wholeheartedly believe that part of the reason God put me in AIM was to help me remember what it meant to have healthy friendships. It's making me so much happier. I feel better about myself than I ever have before, and it feels soooo good.

I love that, for once in my life, all of my friends are trying to build me up rather than tear me down. I can't think of a single relationship I've built here in which I think someone doesn't have my best interest somewhere in their heart, and I feel the same about all of them. Not that any of us are perfect, we're not. But we all have a common love for God, and for each other.

I love that I know these people love me enough to drop anything and everything and pray for me, at any time, if that's what I need. Like I said the other day, I've been going through some rough stuff the last few days, and it's been pretty hard on me. The other night, I was supposed to lead small group. I was really nervous, and I felt really unprepared, and it kind of amplified all of the other stuff. Long story short, I kind of ended up having a breakdown. I was pretty much crying uncontrollably, and couldn't really pull myself together. They all asked me if I wanted to talk about it, and when I started to tell them about everything that was going on, Amy Jo, my small group assistant, basically said that we'd push my small group lesson back a week and pray for me and the stuff I was upset about. So we did. They all prayed for me, and then read Bible verses to me about comfort and how much God cares. It felt so good to know that they all love and care about me enough to drop their plans and be there for me when I needed them.

I love that there are people here who are willing to lovingly call me out when I'm doing something wrong. That there are people who are willing to just come up to me and ask me how I'm doing in a certain area, and hold me accountable. I love that I know they don't see me differently because of things that I have struggled with in the past and struggle with now. I know that the things they say or do are out of love, and I love that they trust me with theirs just as I do with mine.

I love that there's a sense of unknown and adventure that taints everything I do. There's so much here that's so out in the open and up in the air. I know God is working in all of this, and is taking care of the rest of my AIM time, and the rest of my life. He's going to make my life so crazy awesome when the time is right. There's something about so fully dedicating my life to God that has made it so exciting. I don't usually like to not know what the next step is, but God is teaching me how to be patient, walk by faith, and find excitement in each step of the journey. I've never been so wholly open to God's will before, and because of that, He's making everything come together for me.

I love that it's not easy. I know it's weird to love being challenged, and I don't really love it when it's happening, but I love how much AIM is stretching me. That I'm being forced to grow. I'm glad that it's hard to live with people that, two months ago, were total strangers. It's making me have a more mature perspective on situations, because if it didn't then I would constantly be living in conflict with people.

I love that it's forcing me to get out of my comfort zone. That's one of the things that I love about area church. There's something about going into a church, meeting people and building relationships, serving them, and knowing that you're making a difference that's just so cool to me! I've been really blessed by the way this is causing me to be a more outgoing.

I love that, as I'm growing and learning more about myself, I'm also starting to learn what my gifts are. As we're starting to think about where we'd like to go for our field time, and we're watching all these field presentations, I'm having to think and pray about what kind of ministries I'd like to be involved in, and it's forcing me to think about what I'm good at. As a result, it's opening my eyes to what the gifts God has blessed me with might be.

Sometimes, I even love that I'm homesick. For real, I love that I get the chance to miss all the things and people that I'd taken for granted all my life. I never fully appreciated the support system that I had back home, and I love that I get the chance to miss them and wish that I had them around more often. I know that it's going to make the time we share and do get together all the more special and sacred to me.

All in all, life here isn't perfect. But, I love that, too. Life isn't supposed to be perfect. Life is flawed, and broken, and messed up. I don't think that AIM would be challenging me and causing me to grow in the way that it is if it was perfect all the time.

What I love most of all, though, is that I know without a doubt that God is blessing this journey. I know that God has always been blessing me, and would have continued to bless me even if I'd chosen college or something else over AIM. But there's something about the ways He's so obviously blessing me during this time that makes me so sure I've made the decision He wanted me to make. That I'm right where He wants me to be. I know that I'm going to continue to be tested and tried, but I believe that God, and my new family here, are going to continue to support me through whatever those may be, whenever they arise.

Now I want to share a few verses (or parts of verses) that have been really been on my heart and mind since I've been here...

"God has made everything beautiful in the right time. He has planted eternity in the human heart. But even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end." Ecclesiastes 3:11

"The secret things belong to The Lord." Deuteronomy 29:29

"I may roll the dice, but The Lord determines where they fall." Proverbs 16:33

"I must teach the Good News in the Kingdom of God in other towns, too, because that is why I was sent." Luke 4:43

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Don't worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for everything He has done." Philippians 4:6

"You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away from me my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness." Psalm 30:11

Memories

Today, in our girl’s public speaking class, which we lovingly call Women’s Rebellion, I had to give a speech. About myself. I talked about something that I hadn’t really thought of in a long time before I sat down to write the speech. I really liked remembering it, so I think I’ll blog about it. Here we goooo…

"So, as most of you know, my name is Taylor. And writing this speech was really hard for me. I don’t feel like I’m very good with words, at least not writing them, and I don’t really like to get up and talk about myself. I knew that I could get up, and tell you that I was born on March 22, 1995…that my parents are Bryan and Aimee Hockman, and that my little brother’s name is Gabe.

These are all true, and very important facts about me. But I’d rather talk about a memory that’s been weighing on my heart and mind the last couple of days. It’s a lesson that I learned a few years ago that means a lot to me, and I’d like to share it, so I’ll start with the back story…

When I was in 5^th grade, I went to a Barlow Girl concert. I was completely awestruck by how cool I thought they were. I was especially enthralled by the drummer. I decided then and there that someday, I would be a drummer. The only problem with that was that, in Bowling Green, you start band in the 6^th grade. And I went to a private elementary school that was too small to have a band.

I wasn’t ready to let go of my dream of becoming a drummer, though, so when middle school came around, I asked to be put in band. One the first day of school, when I came into band class, my band director told me I was going to be playing the bells. I hated it. A lot. I had to watch all the other people in my section get to play the drums, while I was stuck on this thing I didn’t want to play. So I basically refused to learn or even try to play it.

Over time, band became just a class that I had to go to, and it was my least favorite part of my day.

I continued to do band all through middle school, fully intending to quit when I got to high school. But, for whatever reason, when the day of marching band sign ups came, I found myself checking the little “Yes” box.

When I showed up for the first day of band camp, I found out that I was in something called front ensemble and, horror of horrors, I would be playing the bells. Needless to say, I was bitter, and starting to doubt that my dream of ever becoming a drummer would ever come true. And, since I’d basically refused to play or even try to learn in middle school, I was terrible. But, over time, as I learned more, I began to fall in love with melodic percussion.

When sophomore year rolled around, I got put on bells again. But, this time I wasn’t so upset about it. But, I still wasn’t very good. When it came time for indoor drumline, I was the only one from my high school’s percussion section that signed up to do front ensemble. Eventually, after the process of try outs was over, I was told I’d be playing marimba. I don’t really know how to compare marimba and bells, but I’ll tell you this: it was hard, and I thought I was in way over my head.

I remember going home after practice mentally, physically, emotionally exhausted. I was trying so hard that it was draining me. I remember crying to my mom about how bad my hands hurt, and how overwhelmed I felt by all of it. I remember so clearly the day she sat me down and said “Listen to me. You can do it. You just have to take it one note at a time.” At the time, I thought it was a flippant suggestion, so I just brushed it off. But I never told her how many times her words came back to me. Not only over the course of that season, but the rest of my life as well.

I eventually learned every single note of that show, and I tried my best to play it well. That season, and all the music seasons that followed, taught me something about myself that I’ve tried to remember whenever my life has been difficult, or I’ve gone through trying times.

What I learned was this: I don’t like to give up. I’m a fighter. When I’m faced with a challenge, or even when I just feel like someone doesn’t believe in me, I’m immediately obsessed with proving to myself, and everyone else, that I can do whatever it is. That I can conquer whatever is set before me.

That revelation has been incredibly helpful over the last 3 years, through the trials of growing up, moving out, leaving all my friends and family, and coming to AIM. It’s super comforting, knowing that I can overcome anything that’s hard for me, as long as I take it one step—one note—at a time."

God Is Still Good.

God is always telling me things. Even when I'm not listening, or I don't want to hear what He's saying, He's still saying things. Today, He said something to me through a song...

This song originally caught my attention because of it's title. Being "uncomfortable" and living outside of my comfort zone was a big part of my decision in coming to AIM. I've lived a relatively comfortable life, and I thought maybe it was about time to experience some discomfort. Anyway, the songs title caught my attention, then I listened to the words. This song isn't all that much about what I thought it would be about, but several of the lyrics caught my attention, and I kinda would like to talk about why...

I'm gonna love like you've never seen. OH MY GOODNESS. God shows me sooo much love. Like, every day. And it literally blows my mind how much He loves me. I know that my human mind can't comprehend it all, but what I do understand...whoa. It's crazy to me that I don't just know it (although just the knowledge would be incredible)...I can see it. God shows me, and has especially opened my eyes lately, to all the blessings that he's given me, and how they've all been because He loves me. My generous supporters, my family and friends back home, my new family here? All blessings from God because He loves me and I'm His daughter.

You are gonna live like you used to dream. This is your new song. Sometimes, my life here feels like a dream. I know that's cheesy, but I don't really care. Being in AIM and all that comes with that is something that I dreamed about, hoped for, and prayed about for a long time. Finally being here seriously feels surreal sometimes, even 6 weeks in. God has blessed me with a life that I dreamed about, and it's just so awesome to me.

You don't have to be afraid. Even if you make mistakes, you know that I'll remain. I'm a messed up person. We all are. I've got problems that I can't fix on my own. I have to have God's help, and letting Him help me every day is a struggle. But even when I slip up...when I don't let Him help me, when I try to do things on my own. God is always there. He's waiting to catch me so I don't fall face first onto the ground. He's constantly there, even when I've screwed things up so bad I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have to be afraid of God leaving me, because He'll forever be with me.

If you seek you'll find me every time. This is something that always has been, and still is, hard for me to grasp. Seeking God doesn't really seem to be a problem. I pray, and I try to do it as consistently as I can. But believing that I'll find him every time? That's not something I've ever really believed. For most of my life, when I've prayed, I've thought I was praying to a God who was listening, yes, but I couldn't ever pinpoint how He was there. How He had His hands in situations. But, since I've been here, I feel like God has opened my eyes, and I can so much more clearly see Him in certain situations.

This last little lyric especially reminds me of this last week I've had. Of all my weeks at AIM, this one has without a doubt been the hardest. I had my first little bit of roommate drama, homesickness, struggling with my own battles with my mental health and anxiety, and trying to take good care of myself. All while trying to stay on top of my schoolwork. And it's been hard. Incredibly so. In my weakest moments, I've even gone so far as to wonder why in the world I'm putting myself through all of this stress and heartache for "some program"...then I remember that Satan tries to target those who's faith is being tested. So, I decided that I would just start seeking God when I get stressed, or feel overwhelmed and Satan starts trying to eat at me. It's amazing to me that, when I feel like there's nothing but negativity, simply asking God to show me what He's up to in a certain situation can basically rock my world.

Because of that one question, being uttered time and time again, especially this last week, God has shown me through several negative situations, and has helped make them into positive outcomes. Yay! Seeking God when things are hard isn't easy. I tend to want to run ahead and take care of things myself. But God has a plan, and He's got perfect timing. Those are both things I don't usually have.

Just remembering that I can't add anything by worrying, and I seeking God with my whole heart usually gets me the answer.

Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good. Even in hard times, God is still good... (My mantra)

So it's been awhile...

Oh my goodness. It has been sooo long since I blogged! Well, it hasn't really been that long, but it feels like it's been about a year. Time moves fast and slow here all at once, which leaves me equally surprised and relieved every time Friday comes. But I wouldn't trade any of the experiences and friendships I'm making...no matter how much sleep someone was offering me! ;)

This experience has already been a crazy ride! It's been a blast and totally challenging all at once, and I wouldn't change anything about it. I feel like a better version of myself here...more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have before. But, just so I don't get all sappy, I'm gonna move on.

Classes have been nuts. Every morning, I go into my classes and in the afternoon I leave with my mind completely blown. My favorite class is most definitely my Life of Christ class. While all of my classes are interesting, and I like them, I especially like this one.  It's taught by Pat, who is the assistant director of AIM. He's one of the most incredible Bible teachers I've ever had. I always feel like Jesus is in the room with us whenever he teaches. It's crazy. I feel myself growing so much as a Christian.

I've made so many new friends since I got here. Friends that I feel like I'll be friends with for the rest of my life. And I'm so glad. I love all my friends in AYG and stuff, but the relationships I'm building here are so incredible. I'm just so so so happy. It's the best feeling.

Ok, this has been really short and all over the place, but I don't really care. I've got to pack for our first trip, which we leave for tomorrow! It's a retreat with just our class. Mountain View here I come! ;)

WHOA

So, I haven't blogged in forever...well, it really hasn't been forever, but SO SO SO much has happened since then that it feels like it's been forever. So here's an update, or something like that...

So, I left Bowling Green. Which was really hard for me. Like, really hard. My mom and the lovely Abby Potter (otherwise known as A-Pot) threw me a going away party. Basically, we had cake and drinks after church. Then the adults left, and then youth group people (and Ryan, of course) stayed and played Wink and Do You Love Your Neighbor, which we hadn't played in a really long time. It was a really awesome way to officially end my time with the Alvaton Youth Group. So here are some photographic gems from that party...

The lovely A-Pot. I really miss this girl. Too much.

The Taylors. Both Taylor C. and I graduated this year, so we're leaving Taylor E. all to herself in the youth group. I'm sure it will be weird for her to know people are talking to her when they say Taylor. No more confusion yay, haha.

My favorite "Future AIMer"

I miss her way more than I can explain.

This wasn't part of my going away party, because it was taken the next day when I went out to lunch with Ryan and Melinda. But, it was part of my goodbyes so there's that. Also, I think this picture is very precious, matching sunglasses and all.

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My mom and I left Tuesday morning to make the 17 hour drive from Bowling Green to Lubbock. It was tons of fun to take that trip with her, and I love that we got to chance to spend time together like that. I only have one picture from that trip, oddly. It's from the last day of driving.

We were driving through Texas, and there were all these windmills. I'd seen windmills before, but they were the kind that they have in Holland or something, so they're all colorful and they almost look fake. But I'd never seen this many in one place. For miles and miles and miles this was all there was. I don't know, I thought it was neat.

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So, then I moved into my apartment, met my roomates and stuff like that. I'm sharing an apartment with three other girls. Savannah, Amanda, and Tanya. I'm sharing a room with Tanya. So far, I really love them. They make me laugh and we've had a really good time together.

Apartment 10C whatwhat.

Tanya is loads of fun.

I still have pictures left to add to my bulletin board, but other than that, this is my room area thing.

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Ok, now that we're up to date, I just wanna write about my feelings or something like that. This morning at church, someone asked me how it felt to be an AIMer...it took me a minute to process...I'm an AIMer. It feels so surreal. Like, I can't believe that this time has come, and I also can't believe that I feel this many different things about it all.

 

Kris asked us to sum up in one word how we feel about all of this...I don't think that I could even really sum it up in a sentence. I didn't know I was capable of feeling this many things all at once. I feel anxious, and nervous, of course. But also, I feel so incredibly blessed. I can't believe I get to be a part of something so out of this world awesome. I feel so happy. Freaked. Pumped. Ready. Excited. Insane. Overwhelmed. In complete disbelief.

Soooo, I guess my word would have been anxiousnervousblessedhappyfreakedpumpedreadyexcitedinsaneoverwhelmeddisbelief.

So basically I'm just soooo out of this world excited. I've closed the chapter of my life that was Bowling Green...it will always hold a special place in my heart, and there are people there who will definitely always be a part of my life. But it's time for me to move on.

It's time for me to get on with writing the rest of my story...well, let God write the rest of my story.

Basically I'm just waiting for all of this to feel real. Someone pinch me. Ok, don't really.

A Big Bowl of Spaghetti

"I've been experiencing logistics suffocation torture (LST) for a few weeks now. This is where you know that you are supposed to be making some plans and getting a bunch of crap figured out in the very near future so your brain is in a constant state of attempting to resolve every single geographical and scheduling conflicts that could ever exist." - It Just Gets Stranger

That is a direct quote from a blog post that I just read. And I don't think I've ever understood something so well. Because, Eli is getting ready to move to the United States after living in a tropical island country for a year now. He's going through all of this stress and he has a huge list of things that he needs to accomplish before he can actually move.

That's where I'm at, right now. I don't know if LST is a real thing or not, but I'm definitely experiencing something like it. I have so much stuff to do. It's completely overwhelming, and it kind of makes me not want to do any of it. Kind of like those memes that say "That moment when you have so much stuff to do that you just decided to take a nap". I want to take a nap...but I'm having trouble sleeping because I have so much to do. Life is a vicious cycle.

I've got so much hanging over my head right now. I have $450 more a month to come up with so that I'll be meeting the bare minimum of what I need to live. I've got to finish buying stuff for my apartment. I've got all these loose ends that are in the process of coming together, but just haven't quite made it yet. And it's killing me. Because a lot of them aren't in my hands anymore. For instance, I got my passport...ordered it or whatever, but I'm just waiting and hoping that it's gonna get here by the time I need to leave. I've got luggage coming that I ordered offline, and I can't pack until it gets here. Stuff like that.

I've got a follow up letter to write to people who have told me that they'll give me money every month, but I don't know how they're supposed to send it to me yet. All of these things are all tangled together. My life kind of feels like a big bowl of spaghetti right now that I'm trying to pull one noodle out at a time. If anyone has ever been successful with this, help a sister out, k?

I'm just ready to pull past all this stressfulness and really get to enjoy it. Because I'm 100% sure that, while this adventure will be rocky, and I may not always love every part of it, it's going to be something that I'm going to enjoy. Because God wants me to do this, and I know that God's plans for me are beyond my wildest dreams.

All in all, I'm stressed, but hopeful.

living in fast forward.

Oh man. The last couple weeks have been so busy and I know the next couple aren't gonna be any different. That's okay, though. I like it better this way. Several interesting and exciting things have happened.

I went to church camp! I've been going to church camp since I was in the fourth grade, which is the youngest you can start at our church. I've never missed a year and it's always been one of my favorite parts about summer. This was my last year as a camper, and I probably won't get the chance to be a counselor for awhile, so it was bittersweet. But, overall, it was a fun week and I got tons closer to people that I was just kind of friends with before. One of the saddest parts about church camp was the last day, when I had to say bye to A-Pot for a whole five weeks! It's gonna kill me to have the sole other member of team cra missing for that long. ;)

When I got home from church camp, my mom was waiting with a huge bomb...we're moving. She had kind of hinted at that for awhile, but I really didn't want it to be true. You see, this is the last house that's going to be my house with my mom. And it's been a really good house. I've loved living here a lot, and I know she and Gabe have as well. So, anyway, it's all happened so fast. We're moving in a week. A week. It feels weird to know that when I pack up all the stuff in my room it's not gonna have another home until August. Maybe not even then, I'm sure there's some stuff that I won't be taking that will just be sitting in storage. It's gonna be an emotional experience for sure.

So, we've been working on packing, but also I've had 2 yard sales so far. I was initially planning on only having one big one, but as more and more people brought me stuff I knew there was no way that I was gonna be able to store it all...I guess it's my fault for having generous friends. ;) I've made quite a bit of money that way so far, but I still definitely have more to sell. I'll have maybe one more sale this summer, and then leave the rest of the stuff for my mom to have another sell with more of her stuff later on in the fall or something. There's so much that I'm sure there'll be some left over. I'm just excited for the look on the people who help us move face's when we open up our garage to load up. That'll be funny.

In the midst of all this packing and organizing, I got asked to baby sit every day this week. 9am-2pm. It's a good thing, I know. I'll be making money which will be nice but it just adds to me level of stress knowing that I'm gonna baby sit all day, which wears me out, and then come home and have huge tasks to do because our house has to go from completely unpacked and home like to a bunch of boxes in a matter of a week. It's frustrating, since I don't want to move to begin with, and now I have to stress about it. I know, it's a bad attitude, and I'm trying to make it better, I'm just bummed.

Everything will be alright, though. God has us in his hands and everything works out when we're using His timing. And I know both my mom and I have been praying for God to take care of this, so I know He is.

Finally, I'm still just waiting to hear back about my AIM application...I hate waiting and they notoriously take forever. I suppose I'll just have to wait on God's timing for this as well. So there's that.

It's 1:43 am so I'd probably better get to bed since I have to chase after two crazy kids tomorrow.

Raising Support Has Kicked My Butt.

Oh my y'all. I've spent the last four days completely and totally focused on my support letters. Even though I haven't technically been accepted to AIM yet, I am fairly certain that I will be, so I'm just gonna go ahead and raise support. I've decided to do several different things to work toward this goal.

For one, I decided that I'm gonna have a yard sale. I sent an email out to people that go to my church asking for donations, and my garage is already full! It really makes me so happy. I know that more people are planning to donate some stuff, too. God is bringing things together so well. I just am loving this whole experience right now.

Then, I decided that I'm gonna have a car wash, and ask the youth group to help me. The band has done this for a lot of years, and we always make quite a bit of money, so I'm hoping it will work out well. You know, a "free" yard sales where you ask for donations. I think it'd be really awesome to do that, and so I'm gonna try and see if I can raise some money that way.

Another thing I'm going is trying to find odd jobs to do. Someone asked me the other day if I was working this summer. I told them no, because I don't have an actual "job." But I did tell them that I plan on doing any kind of work that anyone will let me do. Yard work, cleaning out their attic, babysitting. Whatever it is, I'm willing to do it. I need money, and if someone is kind enough to offer me an opportunity to make some money, then I'm totally gonna take it.

Anyway, the support letter process has been tedious. It was a long process with several steps. First I had to write the actual letter. Then, I had to gather up all the addresses that I wanted to use (this was fairly easy because our church has a directory, and I also just sent out graduation invitations, so I had all my familie's addresses in one place). Then I addressed all the envelopes, all 150 of them. It bout killed my wrist. Then, I made tons and tons of copies. Potter was nice enough to let me use their copy machine and paper, which saved me tons of money. Then, I signed all the letters and put them all into their envelopes. This morning I went to the post office and dropped $115 on stamps. Who knew stamps were so stinking expensve?! I sure didn't. But, at least my mom was willing to pay for them and I didn't have to.  Now they're all finished and I couldn't be more relieved,

It's not like the work is over, though. In fact, the work is still beginning. I'm gonna have to make calls, and then organize the yard sale, and the car wash. I'm really grateful for a couple things, though. I'm grateful to my mother for putting off everything that she had on her to-do list to help me do all of this. She's the most wonderful, supporting mother. God really knew what he was doing when He made her my mother, and that's something that I'll thank Him for every day for as long as I live.

I'm also really grateful for the wonderful, supporting church family that is really backing me up on all of this. I didn't really know what a lot of them would think about all of this, but it's something that has been a pleasant surprise. I know for sure that I don't deserve them, and all the love they've given me. But I'll always love Alvaton and hold them dearly in my heart.

Anyway, I have to finish packing for church camp, which I know is going to be an experience. Last year it wasn't so awesome, but I'm trying to keep an open mind with this, so we'll all just wait and pray that it goes well. Goodnight and good luck. ;)

One bite at a time...

Stressful. That's the word I would use to describe my life of late. I literally have SO much to do. This is a list of the biggest things that are hanging over me.

1. Find a job
2. My AIM application
3. NOT fail physics
4. Write a ten page paper
5. Graduate high school

Yeah, it looks like a small list, but there are so many subcategories with those. I just feel like my head is spinning. But, the other day, my mom was talking about being stressed, and someone said to her "Just remember, you eat an elephant one bite at a time." This resonated with me so much, because I've been trying to accomplish everything all at once, and it doesn't work that way. I wish I could just get all of this done in one easy burst of effort, but it's looking like my life for the next month or so is gonna be a marathon and not a sprint. I'm holding onto all this stuff that I've got to do, and it ends up making me not want to do ANYTHING at all, because I'm so overwhelmed. That's not good, I guess I need to change my attitude, and make myself see that I can do all of these things if I break them down into smaller parts.

I suppose for the next month I'm just gonna have to remind myself of 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." I need to fight this "fight" that is the last month of high school and all the "senioritis" that comes with it. I need to finish this race, that I'm now seeing as a marathon rather than a sprint, and I need to keep my faith. I'm gonna keep my faith in God, and my faith in my family and friends while they support me. I know I can do this, if I just put in the effort. I'm the litle engine that could... "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

In other news, I've got a senior banquet this Saturday night at church. It's gonna be so fun. We have dinner, cake, there's a slideshow of all my baby pictures, my mom gives me a "blessing" and best of all we get gifts! I know that shouldn't be what I'm most excited about, but, if we're being honest, I'm pretty pumped about that...the gifts are always really good...so yeah. I'm also really excited about the blessing that my mom is supposed to give. I know they're called blessings, but they basically always turn into a speech about how awesome that person's kid is. And I'm pretty awesome, so my mom shouldn't have any trouble coming up with a speech for me. ;) Just kidding, but really, I'm excited to see what she really thinks of me. Something that has been really stressful with all of that, though, is that my family cannot come. Like, basically it's just gonna be my mom, brother, and I. And, as much as I love them, it breaks my heart that none of them can be there. My family is so divided sometimes that it breaks me up inside. That's the biggest reason that, even if I do get a divorce someday (which I'm absolutely determinded not to let happen!) I'll make sure it's one where both families are friendly and can be around each other...you know, for our kids. Because separated familys really stink, I can tell you that much...


Alright, enough rambling about how stressful my life is...I'm gonna get to work now eating this elephant...one bite at a time. ;)