A Beautiful Night

Oh my! What an incredible night this has been! Seriously, I know this is going to be a night that I'll remember forever.

Tonight, they announced our teams & fields. It was seriously one of the most exciting things I've ever experienced. It felt like this was the moment we'd all been waiting for.

The way the team announcement process works is this: an assistant calls out a group of names, that group of people goes back into Kris' office, and when you go in, you sit down and he tells you "You're officially Team ____" and then says some other things to us about the field, this missionary, etc. And then (this was the COOLEST part) you leave his office and walk out, and all the assistants are standing on either side cheering, and you walk into the AIM classroom and all the AIMers are cheering for you, and you go up on stage and announce where you're going, and then everyone goes crazy and cheers for you and it's seriously the most awesome feeling.

So tonight, I got to announce to all of my classmates that I, along with my friends Lacy, Melanie, and Jenna will be going to serve God in Miami, Florida starting in May. I could not be happier about this. Our team dynamic is so good, and I seriously think we're all going to work really well together. There's a little bit of each "personality type" in each of us. I can see how that's going to make us all work really well and get along really well.

But yeah, my teammates are beautiful girls with beautiful souls, and Miami is going to be a beautiful place filled with love and happiness. (Not that I'm under the impression that everything is going to be perfect by any means...I just have a feeling I'm really gonna fall in love with it there)

Miami here we comeeee!

Denver City

Today was our last day at our area churches. For the last four months, I've been going to Denver City with six other AIMers and three AIM assistants. We've been building relationships, hanging out with the youth group, singing at the nursing home and all kinds of other fun stuff. The experience I've gained from area church thus far is something that I definitely needed before I would have been able to go to the field.

I learned tons of valuable lessons during my area church time, but I think one of the most valuable ones is learning how to make myself at home in a new church. Leaving Bowling Green, I knew one of the biggest challenges was going to be being away from my church family. And it has been. But going to area church, and serving in DC and building relationships with the people there taught me the dos and don'ts of becoming a part of a new church, and I think that it helped me to realize what it's going to take of me to truly become a part of the church I'm at on the field.

I wanna take a minute to brag on the congregation in Denver City, because I was truly impressed by them during my time there. The first thing I noticed about this congregation is that everyone has a part in it. Like everyone having a role in the body, they seriously have that. Everyone pitches in to make Sundays a success.

This is truly a congregation of unified people. They are all so supportive of each other and they all really love each other. Watching the way they interact with each other reminds me that, when one part of the body is hurting, the rest of the body rushes to comfort it. That's something that I really loved about Denver City. They truly get behind their congregation members. They always pray very specifically for people, even if it's for something as small as a sprained ankle. It's amazing to be a part of a congregation that truly knows and cares about each other.

I really enjoyed the time that we spent with the youth, too. The kids in the youth group there are seriously all best friends. Most of them grew up going to DC and have known each other their whole lives. And they are all super close as a result. This reminded me, in a lot of ways, of Alvaton and the bond I had with the other people in AYG. This made me equal parts homesick and comforted, because in a lot of ways DC felt like home to me by the end of my time there.

Something I didn't really expect to love was going to the nursing home every Sunday afternoon and singing and visiting with their members. Nursing homes have always made me feel a little uncomfortable. Made me feel a little awkward, and incompetent at times. But going to this nursing home, for some reason, was different. I guess because I went often enough to actually get to know the people's names and, even though they didn't remember me most of the time, I sure remembered them. The majority of the people I spoke with there made it really obvious that they really enjoyed us being there, and you could tell they had hearts that loved people and even God...I just want to insert a little story about something I saw today at the nursing home...so we're sitting down about to sing, and a man who lives at the nursing home walked up to Skip (DC's preacher) and handed him, like, two dollar bills and told him that was for the collection. I think it was literally the sweetest thing I've ever witnessed. I love people who have hearts that strive to be like Christ even when they're in situations where it's hard for them.

But yeah...to end, I've really loved my time in Denver City and was extremely sad to say goodbye to it. I'm 100% sure I'll be back to at least visit at some point.

Some pictures from our awkward Christmas party with the youth today:

 

 

Telephone

There was this game I used to play as a kid called Telephone. It usually entails people sitting in a circle, and then one person whispering a word or phrase to the person on one side of them, and then that person whispers what they heard to the person next to them, and so on. The phrase is never like the original one, and the bigger the circle is, the more ridiculously far from the truth it gets.

This game was always used to show us how repeating things can cause all kinds of misunderstandings and trouble, which I know today just means gossip. Gossip is such a prevalent problem for me. It's a daily struggle for me, to not gossip. Sometimes, I fail and say something that I shouldn't. And it's wrong, and it's something that I don't want to do anymore. But, like any habit, it is taking me time and lots of effort to break...but that's not the main thing I wanted to say about this, really.

I feel like, right now, I'm stuck inside a real life game of Telephone. Except we're not sitting around in a circle whispering to each other. The reason it feels like I've been dropped inside this game is simple: they started asking us questions. Questions about our opinions on different fields, different team combinations, etc. And people started talking. Immediately there were rumors flying about who was going where and who their team was and all this stuff. And the crazy part is, there's usually some truth to it. Or, there was originally. But by the time it makes it through the whole class...sometimes there isn't (apparently, not that I have inside information or anything) truth to it at all. Kris keeps telling us not to listen to rumors, and not to think about all the things people are saying to each other. And I'm trying not to. But, I'll be honest, when you hear people talking it's hard not to think that way. Especially because they usually have a line of people they heard it from and at one point there's someone who's in a position to know that they "heard this from"...

But I have to keep continually reminding myself that life is a game of Telephone, and that I should believe everything, at least in respects to team stuff, is a lie unless it comes from Kris, Pat, or an assistant. It's hard, but I think I can do it. :)

The Waiting Game

So, here we are. Over a month later, and it's still the same. We don't have any answers. We still don't know where we're going, or who we're going with. And, due to the fact that I told everyone I'd know by Christmas time, people are starting to ask questions more.

These questions frustrate me. Because they're just more constant reminders that I'm feeling out of control, or that I'm freaked out because I have no idea where I'll be spending the next 2 years of my life, or who I'll be spending it with. I wish so much that I could give everyone who's wondering the answers that they deserve. They're giving me money, prayers, and time, and I can't even tell them what they'll be paying for? I know it's silly to feel this way. The waiting was part of what I signed up for when I came to AIM. I knew this was going to happen, but I still somehow wasn't prepared for it.

I can't pinpoint an exact time when I stopped feeling solely excited and started to get...antsy. Peyton keeps telling me that it'll be here before I know it...and I want to believe her. I mean, she just went through all of this last year, so she remembers what it's like...but I just can't help but wonder, in my more desperate moments of impatience, if I'm ever going to find out. If all of the questions inside my head are ever going to be settled. I know that this is completely illogical, and that of course I'll know the answers to all these questions at some point, probably in the very near future.

I guess I'm just ready. I'm ready to not be waiting around for the inevitable. I'm ready for all the changes that are going to happen to just start happening already. I'm ready to finally be able to answer people's questions. I'm just ready to get this show on the road.

Like I said from the very beginning, this part of AIM has really been testing my patience, and my attitude. I've been having to work really hard to keep both of those in check.

We're in the home stretch, though, I know. Therefore, it's easier(ish) to keep my mind clear and focused on school rather than all this other stuff that's going on.

Anyway, this post has been all over the place, but I wanted to tell everyone how things were going and how ready I am to have the answers I've been waiting and praying for so hard.

So, if you'll keep praying with me, and waiting just a little bit longer, I'll finally have answers and I'll be able to tell everyone what they want to know! YAY!

Here we gooooo....

I LOVE WINTER...sometimes.

Oh my. Is it December already?! That's insane! Seriously. I can't believe it. It really feels like it was yesterday when I graduated high school. But it was, like, 6 months ago. WHAT?! I feel like time is seriously flying by and getting away from me. I just want it to slow down a little bit.

But, that's not what I wanted to blog about. I wanted to talk about the fact that it snowed today! Ahhh. I LOVE the snow. It just holds so many happy memories for me, as a kid.

Being pulled behind a big church van on a sled in an icy parking lot one night...sledding the one Christmas I can remember having snow on with my dad and brother, sledding with my brother and friend on a tube that you use for tubing in the lake. Playing in the snow every day for a week when I lived across the street from one of my best friends in middle school.

There are just so many things that I associate with snow, that don't even necessarily have to do with snow. Christmas, my mom's hot chocolate, and so many other things. For me, snow is the proof that it's the holiday season. It's the proof that Christmas is coming soon. Snow makes everything look fresh and new. It makes the world look brighter, even if there's no sunshine. I just really love the snow.

And, today it didn't really "snow" all that much, it was more ice. But it was white, and the ground is white so I'm making an executive decision...it counts. Today was a snow day.

Ok, I realize that I just rambled on about how awesome the snow is. But, today has just put me in a really good mood. Not only because of the snow but also because we got to come home early, and that meant that I got to take care of some things that I wanted to take care of without it being rushed or stressful. (Including but not limited to cleaning my room.)

Ok, that's all.

Thankful.

This morning, in ladies' chapel, we spent time singing and reading scripture that was focused on thankfulness, and showing/giving thanks to our Father. This was, of course, done because we're about to leave for Thanksgiving break, and November is generally a month full of thankfulness. But, I'll be honest...this month I haven't been feeling too cheery, and I've kind of let my thankfulness to God go. I know, that's a terrible attitude. But, I've been feeling so down lately that it's been hard for me. But, because of this morning and reflecting back on this month, I'm reminded again that God says when we go through hard times, we should still be thankful, because it gives us an opportunity to grow. I know this is true. Had I not gone through the hard things that I've gone through, I wouldn't even resemble the person I am today, much less be an AIMer. And the person I am, though I have my faults, I'm pretty proud of. I have the perseverance that gets talked about in the Bible as a result of difficult situations. Although I didn't enjoy any of these trials while they were happening, I can't imagine what a wimp I'd be without them. I wouldn't be able to handle conflict, use the word "no", control myself when I'm angry, I would let people walk all over me...but, the most important, and long lasting, result of the difficult things I've gone through is my relationship with God. Maybe that's why God let me endure all these things. I'm probably one of his most stubborn creatures, and I think it's taken all the things I've gone through in life to teach me one lesson: I need God. I can't do anything at all without Him.

If I had the chance to go back and choose whether or not to be tried, to have hard stuff thrown at me, to have the past I've had, I would still choose to go through them. Do I have regrets? Of course. But good, bad, and ugly, the experiences I've gone through have shaped and molded me into the person that I am today. When God made me, He knew who I'd become. He knew that I'd have the experiences that I've had, and the ones I haven't had yet. He knew that I'd eventually wind up leading a life trying to turn everything I've gone through into something I can use to glorify Him. I've tried so hard to let God fill the holes in my life, so that I can in turn help people see that God can fill the holes in theirs, too. Because I try so hard to let God fill my heart, I know it belongs to Him and only Him.

So, even though I'm going through times right now that are hard for me, I am blessed. Even though I feel like Satan is attacking me from all sides, and going right for the chinks in my armor, I am thankful for all the blessings God has given me. The life I live, the people I love, the people who love me, and for my God who is big enough to make all my problems go away with just one word.

This past weekend, the DC AIMers were counselors at a youth retreat at Mountain View. It was a cool experience to be a counselor, and teach a class and fun stuff like that. But the coolest part of it all was how perfectly tailored [insert name pun here] the lessons were for me, and my life right now. The theme of the weekend was "Only A Mountain". It was based around Matthew 17:20, which is the verse that talks about faith the size of a mustard seed that can move mountains. They talked about how our trials are mountains, and how God takes care of them, and will move them out of our way if we'll just keep our faith. And I think that is more reason to be thankful in hard times than any other reason.

So, this season of difficulty that I'm feeling right now? God's got that. He's taking care of it, as long as I'm letting Him. And the times of trial, of Satan tempting me and trying to tear me down? They're making me pure. They're giving me the endurance I need to fight back, and to keep moving forward in my relationship with God. They're making me a better person.

I will keep being thankful. I will keep praising God. He's blessing me through this, even though it's hard to see it, or it doesn't feel like it sometimes. There's never going to be a time when Satan takes it easy on me. But, I love God, and I want to do what he tells me to do. So, I'll keep on striving to be thankful and consider it a blessing when things aren't easy for me.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials. For we know that they help us develop endurance." Romans 5:3

"I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on Earth you will have many trials and sorrows, but take heart, for I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to test us when we are being tested." Hebrews 2:18

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way , consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow...God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-3,12

I'm gonna put the music video for the theme song of the Mt View retreat weekend right here, because I think it's a really neat song...

so, it's done...

So, tonight we filled out these lists saying where we'd like to go and who we'd like to go with. I'll be honest...I've been saying all along that I'm not worried about it, because God has my team and field already picked out. And that was true, to a certain point...

But honestly, deep down, I've been freaking out. I know, on a logical level that God already has this figured out and it doesn't matter what I want, but it's ok. Tonight was a relief for me, because I feel like I have officially relinquished any kind of control I had, and it's all in God's hands. It's a cool, but also scary feeling.

I know the time that lies between now and when we find out is going to really be a challenge for me, and it's going to stretch me and cause me to really "practice what I preach" and truly walk by faith.

Soooo, yeah. Short blog post, but I just wanted to write about this because it was such a big deal.

Also, I just wanted to add in this picture of me from Wal Mart the other night. I have a hurt foot, so walking has been really rough for me. So, I got a wheelchair from Wal Mart. Yes, I acted like I was a thug. Yes, I'm 18 years old and should be more mature. I know, OK? ;)